impsTALK.co.uk | A part time website for part-time fans of a part-time club

UNITED SEASON OVER AFTER 'EMBARRASSING' HOME DEFEAT

After last week's unexpected win at Workington, United's season has turned into the absolute pile of cockshit everyone said it was going to be after today's diabolical defeat at the hands of a team named after a car factory.

At last! Boston fans were starting to worry that the Pilgrims were going to confound expectations and actually be a decent side in 2011/2012, a situation that would have given them absolutely nothing to moan - or spit - about. A quite terrifying thought, but one that has been dodged. Phew!

It's not the first time United have been beaten by Vauxhall, of course, but today's loss will arm the Farmer Dan types with even more excuses to loudly proclaim that they're not going to bother going again, until they decide to bother going again. At the next home match.

A depressing day. But at least we're not Grimsby.

'Worst best goal ever': Workington 1, Boston 2

Pheeeeeeeeew! Well that was lucky, wasn't it? How did Holsgrove get that winner? Do we really care? Ahead of the home opener with Histon (Rough Guide to follow), impsTALK reports back from Boston's fortuitous, but very welcome, victory at Workington.... MORE

2011/2012 Conference North Rough Guides: Workington AFC

Not that you'd be able to tell from our laughable 'fixtures' page, but Boston United get the new Conference North season underway on August 13th with a gigantic cross-country journey to Workington AFC.

Nasty. Yet, for the purposes of fulfilling our obligations, quite necessary. This season, we're doing the Rough Guides in fixture list order, so Workington's 'guide' is now available HERE. Histon will be next in, er, two weeks. Obviously, having posted the first significant(ish) new update in about two years, impsTALK is now having a well-earned rest. See yer.

The Fixtures Are Out!
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Incredibly, it seems Boston United will be playing all their opponents twice this season

Well, well, well. So here we are. The fixtures are out. Rushden are buggered. Cesc Fabregas is about to move to Barcelona. Again. And, to the excitement of people who really should be sunning themselves somewhere in the southern hemisphere, our beloved Pilgrims are on the cusp of yet another pre-season campaign.

Next week, all three of United's players begin their quest for Conference North glory at Arnold Town in a friendly that has 'glamour crowd puller' written all over it. The rest of the United team? Well, you'll find the rest in Grimsby as Rob Scott and Paul Hurst continue their project to return the Mariners to the Football League by assembling a squad that can't beat Guiseley while pissing David Newton off in the process. Never a good move. He'll get Neil on you.

It's safe to say that expectations around York Street are a little more subdued this summer, but look on the plus side: Suuuaaaarez is back. And if that's not enough to get you literally foaming in the mouth in a frenzy of anticipation, so too are the impsTALK Rough Guides!

Yep, after two years, or maybe eight, of abject dormancy, your indispensable guide to the clubs of the Conference North cobbled together using lazy Wikipedia research and anecdotes gathered off a bloke in the pub will be returning to these pages. You can expect the first, on our favourite town of Workington, on the site by this weekend. And the next, judging from impsTALK's recent update policy, will be published in 2014.

Until then, stay safe. Look after one another. And try not be too downhearted that we've got no players. At least we're not Kettering. What the fuck is that all about?

Toodle-pip, chums!

You bastards, Grimsby!

Well, thanks a lot, Grimsby. Thank you very much. Not content with fouling up your own hopes of automatic promotion through sheer lack of competence, you've decided to sabotage the season of a cute, cuddly little part-time outfit down the road which, apart from systemic financial dishonesty spanning several seasons between 1998 and 2007, had done very little to deserve it. Lovely. Thanks..... READ MORE

WELCOME TO 2010/2011, WHICH IS PROBABLY JUST GOING TO BE MOSTLY THE SAME AS 2009/2010 AND THE SEASON BEFORE THAT AND SO ON
In which impsTALK.co.uk decides football is actually a big heap of shit and wishes it didn't have to spend the next ten months watching the same old shit happen to the same old teams again.... MORE

Welcome to the Conference
Back in June, impsTALK penned an article for our friends over at Cod Almighty welcoming hapless Grimsby Town to the world of non-league football. Did it make them feel better about their ghastly relegation? Probably not. Anyway, you can read the piece HERE.....

PILGRIMS PROMOTED

TINPOT LEAGUE BELATEDLY PISSED ON

Notts County latest
impsTALK examines the latest goings-on at Notts County shortly before they get promoted with a team they cannot possibly afford to retain in 2010/2011.... MORE

The Naughties: Where did THAT decade go?

30 Dec 2009 | impsTALK.co.uk

Has it REALLY been ten years since Boston United were a no-name non-league outfit mired in some tinpot league populated by village filth like Burton Albion?

Yes, oh little Boston fan. Yes, it really has. It has been a pretty interesting ten years since then, and that's understating things a little. So now, obviously, it's time to start wrapping things up in the only way we know how: with a shit load of lists and stuff. Click though to our feature on the decade we have hilariously dubbed 'The Naughties' (because of all our court cases and cheating and.... er.... oh never mind) and read our first installment, courtesy of our favourite Manchester United fan.

Obviously when we say 'first installment', we clearly mean 'first and last installment' if recent behaviour is anything to go by. Don't judge us.

To read this thoroughly exciting feature, click HERE. Or, click HERE. Or HERE or HERE or HERE or HERE. Or perhaps HERE. Or HERE. Then again, the feature could be located HERE. Or maybe HERE. Keep clicking. You'll work it out.

Eight months, two managers, several thrashings and 53 rat burgers later, and only now has the full story of Boston's dreadful 08/09 season has become clear for all to see: apparently, we missed the NPL play-offs.

Yep, it was awful. But it might easily have been unspeakably worse. And now it's time to revisit some painful memories as, over the next few days, impsTALK presents you ungrateful bastards with another set of those end-of-season review things we did last year. Wince. Cry. Howl. Attempt suicide. But enough about the quality of the material, let's crack on examining where it all went wrong, starting with our Ten Questions series.....>> MORE

Nantwich 5, Boston 0 - as it happened!

If you really want to, you can relive Boston's second humiliating defeat at the hands of Nantwich of 2009 HERE. We're just not very good, really, are we?

WARNING: CONTAINS GRAPHIC INCOMPETENCE AND FOUL LANGUAGE

BOSTON'S UP!

Well, clearly they're not. They're probably going down. But this latest thingy has little to do with the current crop of jokers flailing around pretending to be footballers. Nope, this is a feature that harks back to the good old days.

Yeah, the good old days. You remember them. Criminals in the dug-out, Daryl Clare's two-finger salutes, Neil Thompson's multiple resignations. Being the most hated club in the world - until Leeds United went pop, that is.

And how, you ask, is this relevant? Well, thanks to the efforts of an impsTALK reader, and in an act of brazen copyright violation, impsTALK has made the entire series of Boston’s Up - a weekly column that appeared in the Guardian during United’s inaugural season in the Football League - available online for your pleasure.

The articles come courtesy of the scanning skills of Johnny Chapman, who writes: “I've had the scanner out this afternoon for something else,” teasing us into wondering what the ‘something else’ actually is.

“But I also scanned all the columns from that Boston's Up series the Guardian did during our first season in the League,” he continues, making it sound like it was all a complete accident.

Well, that’s fine by us. Johnny’s files needed a home, and we’re only too happy to oblige. At least, until the lentil-crunching lawyers come a-knockin’. Be aware, however, that these are actually large image files, not text. So if you’re using a dial-up connection, you may wish to-...... ahh, fuck it. Who cares? You’re a second-class citizen and don’t deserve to see them. You can get high-speed broadband on your watch these days, you cheapskate plebeians.

Jump to the archive>

From the archives..... Shrewsbury 5, Boston 0
Pilgrims fans despairing at Boston United's current abject state need only cast their minds back, ooooh, a couple of years to recall the last time their team was as crap as it is now. Of course, back then, the club were under the iron rule of a criminal mentalist who liked to pretend that all the defeats were the fault of Scott Dalton and/or the New World Order.... MORE