The Steve Evans Tactics Truck*

It doesn't matter how good your players are: if you haven't got the tactics, you stand no chance. Thankfully, in Steve Evans Boston are blessed with one of modern football's greatest thinkers. Here, impsTALK reveals the secrets behind his success and how you can implement them into the best-selling Football Manager 2006

*Please note: there is no such truck.

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Who to sign?

Goalkeeper
You don't need a goalkeeper, so don't bother having one on the books.

Defenders
Your full backs don't need to be any good. All they need is a foot like a traction engine. Centre-backs must be capable of AT LEAST one yellow card per game.

Midfielders
Midfield? Feck that shite. Sell any quality found in this area - you don't need it.

Forwards
Sign a couple of hopeless target men and a talented midget. Instruct your fullbacks/quarterbacks to loft long balls towards the midget - the tall guys are there to simply elbow centre-backs in the face.

How to play

A Midlands-based manager once said the oft-quoted: 'If God had wanted us to play football in the clouds, he'd have put grass up there'

What an idiot. He probably did nothing in the game.

When at home, try and entertain the fans by showing how much power your full-backs have. Repeatedly loft long-balls off for goal kicks. Fans will appreciate the extra time this gives them to tuck into their Dunmore Burgers.

When playing away from home, it's best to try avoid provoking the opposition by entering their half of the pitch. Run the ball into the corner from kick-off and pray.

If the worst happens and the home side score, run the ball into the corner and pray a little harder.

But remember, whatever happens, you're always sure of a warm welcome from the chairman!