2006/2007 was probably the most eventful season in the history
on the club. This is how impsTALK saw it....
EVANS: ONLY CRAWLEY MATCHED STEVE EVANS' AMBITION
Steve
Evans was today announced as manager of Crawley Town and immediately
announced he would take the club where it belonged: embroiled
in a messy, protracted legal battle in the High Courts while its
players and staff literally starve to death on the streets...>>MORE
'Stay
at home' Rodwell tells Staffsmart Stand
Cash-strapped
Boston United have told the Staffsmart Stand to stay away from
York Street until further notice – and more stands may follow,
impsTALK can exclusively reveal in today’s breaking news
exclusive breaking news update...>>MORE
CHAINED
TO THE GOONS
To
their absolute horror, Conference officials have been locked out
of their OWN division tonight after stricken cheats Boston United
broke in and claimed squatters rights, impsTALK can exclusively
reveal in today’s breaking news breaking update...>>MORE
'....daddy?’
For
one young Boston United fan, the end today was comprehensive, swift
and brutal. At the final whistle at the Racecourse, and clutching
his signed photo of Steve Evans’ boozy figure at Hayes in
2002, young Little Bobby Shattocks stood alone in solemn homage
to his heroes - and the greatest manager in the history of world
football....>>MORE
Urge
Overkill
impsTALK
urges BUFC players to stop urging other BUFC players to play well/cut
out individual errors/bounce back from last week's disappointing
defeat.....>>MORE
CHELSEA
BAN CELERY, BOSTON BAN SALARIES
Just
days after Premiership giants Chelsea banned Blues fans from taking
celery into Stamford Bridge, Boston United’s mysterious new
backers Standing Alone Ltd have unveiled a ban on SALARIES at the
debt ridden Lincolnshire minnows...>>MORE
TAXI
DRIVER
News
that Boston United players and staff had to make their OWN way to
today’s game at Field Mill in Mansfield was confirmed after
eyewitnesses reported seeing Steve Evans in his new role as a taxi
dispatcher this morning...> MORE
Evans'
Sunday Night Fever
Sunday
nights in the Evans household have taken a turn for the worse as
Virgin Media’s bitter feud with BSkyB enters its third week,
impsTALK can exclusively reveal in tonight’s breaking news
exclusive update.... MORE>>
Boston
******
Embarrassed
Boston officials were playing down the repossession of the ‘United’
part of the club’s name by bailiffs early this morning, claiming
that they were never really that United anyway...MORE>>
Boston
Town 2, Wellingborough 5
With
Boston United playing away at Franchise Scumbags FC, it seemed fitting
that impsTALK and its readers should dig deep and sponsor the matchball
for Boston Town's home fixture with Wellingborough Town in the UCL
Premier yesterday (March 3rd)... MORE>>
Boston
United alphabet shortage
Boston United are running short of the letter 'L',
impsTALK can exclusively reveal in today's Monday breaking news
breaking exclusive update...MORE>>
Heeeere's
Lennie!
At the
end of the 2005/2006 season, impsTALK hound Adam Upsall met up with
ex-Pilgrim Lennie Curtis. This interview originally appeared in
the impsTALK fanzine, issue two...MORE>>
If
Evans....
An
occasional feature devoted to imagining our glorious leader as he
might be in another profession.... MORE>>
Boston United Television
BUTV
returns.......
Wreck draws crowds in Boston
Bostonians
were the lucky beneficiaries of a once-in-a-lifetime free for all
yesterday after they ransacked the quite dull and not-very valuable
cargo of a sinking ship which was beached by salvagers in the town
yesterday, impsTALK can exclusively reveal.
Evans
hails arrival of 'greatest ever' excuse
Boston
United’s calamitous
capitulation at the hands of relegation fodder Rochdale at
Spotland yesterday may have marked the nadir of a horrific year
for Pilgrims fans, but for gaffer Steve Evans it was the perfect
opportunity to unveil his latest signing – a near perfect
excuse he has been working on for nearly a month.
Lincoln
2, Boston 1
Furious Boston United gaffer Steve Evans was left fuming
after he was served TURKEY TWIZZLERS for his Christmas dinner –
while Lincoln City staff tucked into prime roast turkey joints, and
Evans wasted no time blaming the nutritionally destructive meal for
defeat in the Yellow belly derby.
COMPLETELY
UNEXPECTED PLANNING CATASTROPHE DOOMS PILGRIMS
The very future of Boston United FC was dramatically, but totally
unexpectedly, thrown into doubt this afternoon after the club’s
plans for the LavaGiGADomE were unanimously thrown out by a special
planning committee convened by Boston Borough Council.
It's
Crazee Jimmy's Wheel of Blame!
Get those fingers pointing!
Investment
deal 'close' as Crazee Jimmy sweats in Dragon's Den
Boston United jester Crazee Jimmy believes a deal to bring
investment into his stricken cash cow is close, despite being told
by BBC Dragon Deborah Meaden that his club ‘made Ted Bundy look
like Santa Claus’ in a dramatic edition of Dragon’s Den
filmed in London last week. TARGET
PRACTICE
Boston
United club chairman Crazee Jimmy Rodwell, desperate to salvage
whatever he can from his soon-to-be-liquidated cash cow, has announced
the next home fixture with Hereford, if it happens, is to be designated
as an official Fan Coin Throwing Day.
IT'S
NOT BLUE, IT'S AQUA MARINE
MAYBE
DREAMS DO COME TRUE? United striker Anthony Elding realises
his ultimate footballing ambition by meeting the £60 fashion
accessory, as modelled by impsTALK mole Adam Upsall prior to today's
game against Notts County. Inspired by the soft, warm, luxurious
feel of the garment, Elding went on to score one of United's three
goals in the thrilling 3-3 draw
Evans
in transfer list downloading shame
Boston
United boss Steve Evans is facing possible action by local police
after being caught OGLING the official player transfer list in a
public toilet, and DOWNLOADING explicit lists of available teenage
loan players on his office computer, impsTALK.co.uk can exclusively
reveal.
Evans
Releases Latest 'Top Five Bestest Friends in Football' Chart
BBC
man Dalton this week's biggest faller.
DARLINGTON
ANNOUNCE REDEVELOPMENT PLANS
APOCALYPSE
SOON? Architect plans (above) depict sinister Darlington
CEO Jon Sotnick destroying a village suspected of habouring rebel
fighters in 2009
Crazee
Jimmy announces 'Sweat With Steve' DVD
Last
week’s startling revelation that Boston’s population is
mostly comprised of sausage-roll chomping BUMBERLADAS who sweat GRAVY
the moment they rise off the sofa has concerned many local figures,
not least zany Pilgrims chairman Crazee Jimmy Rodwell. PILGRIMS
LAUNCH OFFICIAL ANTI-EVANS 'PROTEST PACKS'
Eager
to cash in on the growing number of disaffected Pilgrims fans staying
away from the Staffsmart Arena until tax conman Swagbag Steve Evans
is fired, soon-to-be-liquidated Boston United have launched the
all-new ‘Armchair Moaner Protest Pack’, courtesy of
Crazee Jimmy’s World of Bargains.
'Morbid
curiosity' expected to pull big audience
Ghoulish
sightseers have long gorged themselves on explicit videos of beheadings,
shooting, bombings, executions, shotgun suicides and huge nose tumours,
but tomorrow they will have another horrorshow to feast their eyes
on: Boston entertaining Lincoln City at the Staffsmart Arena™
(k.o 7.45pm).
Rodwell
launches Boston United GOLD®
With
the club in freefall, crowds non-existent and an Unsackable Swagbag
Steve Evans clinging on for dear life, Boston United chairman Crazee
Jimmy Rodwell has today announced an exciting new product for Pilgrims
followers: Boston United GOLD!®
| Video
Interviews | More… | Signup |
|
Francis
Green Relishing Lincoln Match
24-Sep-2006
impsTALK Press Officer Ralph Gackweed literally runs after Francis
Green to mull over the slightly disappointing defeat
at the hands of Rochdale, and look ahead to the forthcoming
Yellowbelly derby, only to run out of breath and have to have
a sit down on the kerb.
Length
1 minute |
 |
Stopper
Marriott Relishing Lincoln Clash
24-Sep-2006
Press
Officer Ralph Gackweed misses the rubbish Boston United keeper
and so conducts his own interview using sock puppets in this
EXCLUSIVE video. Download it now.
Now. Now. Now. Now.
Length
52 minutes |
 |
Unsackable
Swagbag Relishing Lincoln Derby
24-Sep-2006
Unsackable
Swagbag talks about his Conference winning season, Daryl Clare,
and the good old days before he was framed by Graham Bean in
this sickeningly sycophantic interview with Press Officer Ralph
Gackweed. Edited for legal reasons.
Length
0.002 seconds |
SUFFER
THE CHILDREN
Clutching
a tear-stained photo of his fallen hero Steve Evans, ten year old
little Bobby Shattocks, wailing and crying with grief, cut a forlorn
figure outside the home of Boston United today.
Euro
Wembley Magic: 10 years on
BREAKING
NEWS: KITMAN STAGES COUP
In stunning scenes, ruthless Boston United kitman
Jason Hatfield this evening stepped into the power vacuum created
by Steve Evans' and John Blackwell's mysterious 'shopping trip'
in London to seize control of the Conference-bound club.
Accrington
3, Boston United 8
Baffled
Boston United fans had their Accrington victory celebrations cut
short after it emerged they had been watching the WRONG game at
Stanley’s impressive InterLink Corrugated Iron Arena™
on Saturday, impsTALK.co.uk can exclusively reveal.
Pilgrims
announce new commercial ventures
Non-league
bound Boston United have announced a new series of commercial ventures
in the forthcoming weeks to try and prop up the club until Christmas
at least. The main event is the Stevie E Evening of Fun,
to take place on Friday November 17, which will see guests at a
dinner in the Pilgrims' Sportsbar entertained by local stand-up
and club boss Stevie 'E' Evans.
Shrewsbury
5 Boston 0: The Aftermath
Boston
United’s senior players and coaching staff have called
upon the Pilgrims to ‘cut out the collective incompetence’
ahead of Wednesday futile trip to ex-Just One League Below The
Premiership side Brighton and Hove Albion.
impsTALK
editor gets car
impsTALK editor Ralph Gackweed, 154, has taken delivery
of a new 1981 Reliant Robin, courtesy of fanzine sponsors Crazee
Jimmy's World of Bargains.
Visit
BENCHMOVE.CO.UK!
Left
homeless and bitter following his unceremonious dismissal from the
Official Matchday Magazine last season, local BBC journalist Scott
Dalton lives a day-to-day existence, rummaging through bins and
back pockets to stay alive on the mean streets of downtown Boston.
But Scott has just found out his home, a park bench in Central Park,
is due to be removed to make way for a new rubbish bin. Time to
up sticks and find new digs.... with BENCHMOVE.CO.UK!
Rodwell
launches fleXi ticket eXtreme™
Boston United fashion statement Jim Rodwell is delighted to announce
the introduction of the fleXi ticket eXtreme™, a brand new
ticketing initiative for Pilgrims fans at the Staffsmart Arena™
ahead of the 2006/2007 season.
Boston
unveil Elding. Again.
With
season-tickets hitting rock bottom and local interest in the Pilgrims
at an all time low, Boston United have acted quickly to sign popular
local lad Anthony Elding on a free transfer from Boston United,
impsTALK can exclusively reveal.
Desperate
Dalton makes comeback bid
Former
match-day programme contributer and local journalist Scott Dalton
has made one last bid to return to the big time with the launch
of a new magazine, From Behind Your Benches, impsTALK can
exclusively reveal in today's Exclusive Breaking News Exclusive
Update (sponsored by Staffsmart™).
Boston
'doomed' say scientists
It may
be a slow news day in the Midlands or a terrifying vision of what
the future holds for the town, but either way today’s startling
news that Boston could soon be swimming
with the fishes has caused shockwaves of the non-saltwater variety
at the StaffSmart Mega-Arena (©©©™®®©™™).
Rodwell:
We need new haircuts
Boston
United’s incoming chairman and part-time style-guru Jim Rodwell
has set out his vision for the future of senior football in the
town, declaring at a press conference today: “We need new
haircuts”.
Evans
shares UEFA course with 'household' names
Steve
Evans has returned to Boston United today after attending a UEFA
'A' coaching course in Scotland, the official unofficial voice of
BUFC, impsTALK, can reveal in Wednesday's exclusive breaking news
UPDATE.
I
AM the law!
Sinister Lavaflow chairman Jon Sotnick has vowed
to sue the person behind last week’s match fixing allegations,
impsTALK has learned after picking up a copy of the Boston Standard
earlier today.
SOLD!
TO THE MAN IN THE GREEN SUIT!
Residents
living around Boston United's crumbling stadium reacted with mild
apathy today after they discovered that club officials, desperate
to increase cash-flow, sold the STREET name to their major sponsors.
EVANS
GETS LUNCHIE DETTO ON UEFA COURSE
UEFA
officials confirmed to impsTALK today that Steve Evans will be serving
a full week’s worth of lunchtime detentions when he returns
to complete his ‘A’ coaching badge course with them
next week.
Green
to sign
Boston
United, who play at the Staffsmart Arena™, have captured their
fouth journeyman signing of the season with the addition of forgotten
Imps man Francis Green.
|
