2006/2007 was probably the most eventful season in the history
on the club. This is how impsTALK saw it....
EVANS: ONLY CRAWLEY MATCHED STEVE EVANS' AMBITION
Evans was today announced as manager of Crawley Town and immediately
announced he would take the club where it belonged: embroiled
in a messy, protracted legal battle in the High Courts while
its players and staff literally starve to death on the streets...>>MORE
at home' Rodwell tells Staffsmart Stand
Boston United have told the Staffsmart Stand to stay away from
York Street until further notice – and more stands may
follow, impsTALK can exclusively reveal in today’s breaking
news exclusive breaking news update...>>MORE
TO THE GOONS
their absolute horror, Conference officials have been locked out
of their OWN division tonight after stricken cheats Boston United
broke in and claimed squatters rights, impsTALK can exclusively
reveal in today’s breaking news breaking update...>>MORE
one young Boston United fan, the end today was comprehensive,
swift and brutal. At the final whistle at the Racecourse, and
clutching his signed photo of Steve Evans’ boozy figure
at Hayes in 2002, young Little Bobby Shattocks stood alone in
solemn homage to his heroes - and the greatest manager in the
history of world football....>>MORE
urges BUFC players to stop urging other BUFC players to play well/cut
out individual errors/bounce back from last week's disappointing
BAN CELERY, BOSTON BAN SALARIES
days after Premiership giants Chelsea banned Blues fans from taking
celery into Stamford Bridge, Boston United’s mysterious
new backers Standing Alone Ltd have unveiled a ban on SALARIES
at the debt ridden Lincolnshire minnows...>>MORE
that Boston United players and staff had to make their OWN way
to today’s game at Field Mill in Mansfield was confirmed
after eyewitnesses reported seeing Steve Evans in his new role
as a taxi dispatcher this morning...> MORE
Sunday Night Fever
nights in the Evans household have taken a turn for the worse
as Virgin Media’s bitter feud with BSkyB enters its third
week, impsTALK can exclusively reveal in tonight’s breaking
news exclusive update.... MORE>>
Boston officials were playing down the repossession of the ‘United’
part of the club’s name by bailiffs early this morning,
claiming that they were never really that United anyway...MORE>>
Town 2, Wellingborough 5
Boston United playing away at Franchise Scumbags FC, it seemed
fitting that impsTALK and its readers should dig deep and sponsor
the matchball for Boston Town's home fixture with Wellingborough
Town in the UCL Premier yesterday (March 3rd)... MORE>>
United alphabet shortage
Boston United are running short of the letter 'L',
impsTALK can exclusively reveal in today's Monday breaking news
breaking exclusive update...MORE>>
the end of the 2005/2006 season, impsTALK hound Adam Upsall met
up with ex-Pilgrim Lennie Curtis. This interview originally appeared
in the impsTALK fanzine, issue two...MORE>>
occasional feature devoted to imagining our glorious leader as
he might be in another profession.... MORE>>
Boston United Television
Wreck draws crowds in Boston
were the lucky beneficiaries of a once-in-a-lifetime free for
all yesterday after they ransacked the quite dull and not-very
valuable cargo of a sinking ship which was beached by salvagers
in the town yesterday, impsTALK can exclusively reveal.
2, Boston 1
hails arrival of 'greatest ever' excuse
capitulation at the hands of relegation fodder Rochdale
at Spotland yesterday may have marked the nadir of a horrific
year for Pilgrims fans, but for gaffer Steve Evans it was the
perfect opportunity to unveil his latest signing – a near
perfect excuse he has been working on for nearly a month.
Furious Boston United gaffer Steve Evans was left fuming
after he was served TURKEY TWIZZLERS for his Christmas dinner –
while Lincoln City staff tucked into prime roast turkey joints,
and Evans wasted no time blaming the nutritionally destructive meal
for defeat in the Yellow belly derby.
UNEXPECTED PLANNING CATASTROPHE DOOMS PILGRIMS
The very future of Boston United FC was dramatically, but totally
unexpectedly, thrown into doubt this afternoon after the club’s
plans for the LavaGiGADomE were unanimously thrown out by a special
planning committee convened by Boston Borough Council.
Crazee Jimmy's Wheel of Blame!
Get those fingers pointing!
deal 'close' as Crazee Jimmy sweats in Dragons' Den
Boston United jester Crazee Jimmy believes a deal to bring
investment into his stricken cash cow is close, despite being told
by BBC Dragon Deborah Meaden that his club ‘made Ted Bundy
look like Santa Claus’ in a dramatic edition of Dragon’s
Den filmed in London last week.
United club chairman Crazee Jimmy Rodwell, desperate to salvage
whatever he can from his soon-to-be-liquidated cash cow, has announced
the next home fixture with Hereford, if it happens, is to be designated
as an official Fan Coin Throwing Day.
NOT BLUE, IT'S AQUA MARINE
DREAMS DO COME TRUE? United striker Anthony Elding realises
his ultimate footballing ambition by meeting the £60 fashion
accessory, as modelled by impsTALK mole Adam Upsall prior to today's
game against Notts County. Inspired by the soft, warm, luxurious
feel of the garment, Elding went on to score one of United's three
goals in the thrilling 3-3 draw
in transfer list downloading shame
United boss Steve Evans is facing possible action by local police
after being caught OGLING the official player transfer list in
a public toilet, and DOWNLOADING explicit lists of available teenage
loan players on his office computer, impsTALK.co.uk can exclusively
Releases Latest 'Top Five Bestest Friends in Football' Chart
man Dalton this week's biggest faller.
ANNOUNCE REDEVELOPMENT PLANS
SOON? Architect plans (above) depict sinister Darlington
CEO Jon Sotnick destroying a village suspected of habouring rebel
fighters in 2009
Jimmy announces 'Sweat With Steve' DVD
week’s startling revelation that Boston’s population
is mostly comprised of sausage-roll chomping BUMBERLADAS who sweat
GRAVY the moment they rise off the sofa has concerned many local
figures, not least zany Pilgrims chairman Crazee Jimmy Rodwell.
LAUNCH OFFICIAL ANTI-EVANS 'PROTEST PACKS'
to cash in on the growing number of disaffected Pilgrims fans
staying away from the Staffsmart Arena until tax conman Swagbag
Steve Evans is fired, soon-to-be-liquidated Boston United have
launched the all-new ‘Armchair Moaner Protest Pack’,
courtesy of Crazee Jimmy’s
World of Bargains.
curiosity' expected to pull big audience
sightseers have long gorged themselves on explicit videos of beheadings,
shooting, bombings, executions, shotgun suicides and huge nose
tumours, but tomorrow they will have another horrorshow to feast
their eyes on: Boston entertaining Lincoln City at the Staffsmart
Arena™ (k.o 7.45pm).
launches Boston United GOLD®
the club in freefall, crowds non-existent and an Unsackable Swagbag
Steve Evans clinging on for dear life, Boston United chairman
Crazee Jimmy Rodwell has today announced an exciting new product
for Pilgrims followers: Boston United GOLD!®
Interviews | More… | Signup
Green Relishing Lincoln Match
impsTALK Press Officer Ralph Gackweed literally runs after
Francis Green to mull over the slightly disappointing
defeat at the hands of Rochdale, and look ahead to the forthcoming
Yellowbelly derby, only to run out of breath and have to have
a sit down on the kerb.
Marriott Relishing Lincoln Clash
Officer Ralph Gackweed misses the rubbish Boston United keeper
and so conducts his own interview using sock puppets in this
EXCLUSIVE video. Download it now.
Now. Now. Now. Now.
Swagbag Relishing Lincoln Derby
Swagbag talks about his Conference winning season, Daryl Clare,
and the good old days before he was framed by Graham Bean
in this sickeningly sycophantic interview with Press Officer
Ralph Gackweed. Edited for legal reasons.
Length 0.002 seconds
a tear-stained photo of his fallen hero Steve Evans, ten year
old little Bobby Shattocks, wailing and crying with grief, cut
a forlorn figure outside the home of Boston United today.
Wembley Magic: 10 years on
NEWS: KITMAN STAGES COUP
In stunning scenes, ruthless Boston United kitman
Jason Hatfield this evening stepped into the power vacuum created
by Steve Evans' and John Blackwell's mysterious 'shopping trip'
in London to seize control of the Conference-bound club.
3, Boston United 8
Boston United fans had their Accrington victory celebrations cut
short after it emerged they had been watching the WRONG game at
Stanley’s impressive InterLink Corrugated Iron Arena™
on Saturday, impsTALK.co.uk can exclusively reveal.
announce new commercial ventures
bound Boston United have announced a new series of commercial
ventures in the forthcoming weeks to try and prop up the club
until Christmas at least. The main event is the Stevie E Evening
of Fun, to take place on Friday November 17, which will see
guests at a dinner in the Pilgrims' Sportsbar entertained by local
stand-up and club boss Stevie 'E' Evans.
5 Boston 0: The Aftermath
United’s senior players and coaching staff have called
upon the Pilgrims to ‘cut out the collective incompetence’
ahead of Wednesday futile trip to ex-Just One League Below
The Premiership side Brighton and Hove Albion.
editor gets car
impsTALK editor Ralph Gackweed, 154, has taken delivery
of a new 1981 Reliant Robin, courtesy of fanzine sponsors Crazee
Jimmy's World of Bargains.
homeless and bitter following his unceremonious dismissal from
the Official Matchday Magazine last season, local BBC journalist
Scott Dalton lives a day-to-day existence, rummaging through bins
and back pockets to stay alive on the mean streets of downtown
Boston. But Scott has just found out his home, a park bench in
Central Park, is due to be removed to make way for a new rubbish
bin. Time to up sticks and find new digs.... with BENCHMOVE.CO.UK!
launches fleXi ticket eXtreme™
Boston United fashion statement Jim Rodwell is delighted to announce
the introduction of the fleXi ticket eXtreme™, a brand new
ticketing initiative for Pilgrims fans at the Staffsmart Arena™
ahead of the 2006/2007 season.
unveil Elding. Again.
season-tickets hitting rock bottom and local interest in the Pilgrims
at an all time low, Boston United have acted quickly to sign popular
local lad Anthony Elding on a free transfer from Boston United,
impsTALK can exclusively reveal.
Dalton makes comeback bid
match-day programme contributer and local journalist Scott Dalton
has made one last bid to return to the big time with the launch
of a new magazine, From Behind Your Benches, impsTALK
can exclusively reveal in today's Exclusive Breaking News Exclusive
Update (sponsored by Staffsmart™).
'doomed' say scientists
may be a slow news day in the Midlands or a terrifying vision
of what the future holds for the town, but either way today’s
startling news that Boston could soon be swimming
with the fishes has caused shockwaves of the non-saltwater
variety at the StaffSmart Mega-Arena (©©©™®®©™™).
We need new haircuts
United’s incoming chairman and part-time style-guru Jim
Rodwell has set out his vision for the future of senior football
in the town, declaring at a press conference today: “We
need new haircuts”.
shares UEFA course with 'household' names
Evans has returned to Boston United today after attending a UEFA
'A' coaching course in Scotland, the official unofficial voice
of BUFC, impsTALK, can reveal in Wednesday's exclusive breaking
AM the law!
Sinister Lavaflow chairman Jon Sotnick has vowed
to sue the person behind last week’s match fixing allegations,
impsTALK has learned after picking up a copy of the Boston Standard
TO THE MAN IN THE GREEN SUIT!
living around Boston United's crumbling stadium reacted with mild
apathy today after they discovered that club officials, desperate
to increase cash-flow, sold the STREET name to their major sponsors.
GETS LUNCHIE DETTO ON UEFA COURSE
officials confirmed to impsTALK today that Steve Evans will be
serving a full week’s worth of lunchtime detentions when
he returns to complete his ‘A’ coaching badge course
with them next week.
United, who play at the Staffsmart Arena™, have captured
their fouth journeyman signing of the season with the addition
of forgotten Imps man Francis Green.