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  impsTALK.co.uk >> 2006/2007 >> Crazy Jimmy's Stadium Disaster

COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED PLANNING CATASTROPHE DOOMS PILGRIMS
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PLAN B SWINGS INTO ACTION

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"THERE IS NO PLAN B" - CRAZEE JIM

 

The very future of Boston United FC was dramatically, but totally unexpectedly, thrown into doubt this afternoon after the club’s plans for the LavaGiGADomE were unanimously thrown out by a special planning committee convened by Boston Borough Council.

In a turn of events absolutely no one predicted, councillors collapsed in a writhing hysterical mass of snorting, guffawing public servants when presented with the six dog-eared beer mats upon which Jon Sotnick had scrawled his insane four-pronged plan using a purple Crayola crayon eighteen months ago.

While Crazee Jimmy, brandishing the missing business plan on an Etch-a-sketch, begged for the inevitable rejection to be deferred for a week to allow time for his Gambian visa to be processed, ex-sinister chairman Jon Sotnick was seen looking the other way, reading a newspaper, whistling and inching closer to the door as proceedings, held before the highest ever crowd after record ticket sales, neared an end.

The absolutely unforeseen failure of the new stadium plans leaves Boston United at the mercy of local HMRC nutcase Bob Gufftrucker, who is planning a ‘shock-and-awe’ visit to John Blackwell’s office tomorrow.

“There will be no Earl Gray tea and Battenberg this time,” Gufftrucker told impsTALK this evening. “There will be only pain. A world of dark, horrific pain.”

The news swiftly spread across Boston during the afternoon of unpredictable drama. Horrified Boston fans, who were completely not aware that their club was heading for total meltdown, were left to cope with the news of imminent liquidation as best they could.

Ten year old lifelong fan Little Bobby Shattocks could barely contain his emotion after being told by his drunken Louth coalminer father that there would be no Christmas – and no Boston United.

Crazee Jimmy pictured moments after decision

Business Plan - submitted waaaaaaaay too late

Definitely not on agenda when HMRC come a'knockin'

“Daddy says I’ll have to help him dig six-foot deep holes in the patio on Saturday afternoon instead of watching Boston United,” the wee little doe-eyed lad sobbed, grasping his treasured picture of Simon Weatherstone.

Even adults were not immune from making rash, knee-jerk judgements.

“My wife says the quality of football will markedly improve if Boston are wound up,” yelled important Boston United fan Bob Mugfret-Fishhead. “And you know what? She’s right! She’s right! Take me Jesus!” Mugfret-Fishhead then threw himself off the viewing platform of St Botolphs, only to be saved by a gust of wind that blew him onto a mud bank in the Witham.

A disconsolate Crazee Jimmy was left to face the sniggering London-based media after the meeting.

"I'm disappointed," he said. "I mean, we gave the council three more beer mats than Des Wood ever did. I thought that would suffice. So did Jon. Is he still here? Jon? Jon!? Where's Jon? Anyone seen Jon? He's gone hasn't he? Well, it is a long way back to Darlington. We need a new ground. Honk."


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