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Pilgrims announce new commercial ventures

Non-league bound Boston United have announced a new series of commercial ventures in the forthcoming weeks to try and prop up the club until Christmas at least.

The main event is the Stevie E Evening of Fun, to take place on Friday November 17, which will see guests at a dinner in the Pilgrims' Sportsbar entertained by local stand-up and club boss Stevie 'E' Evans.


Commercial manager Christina Thomson told impsTALK: "Steve gave us all a little preview of his new material the other day and boy oh boy - it's really going to rip up Boston! If you thought 'this is the best atmosphere in the camp since the Conference title days' was funny, wait until you hear what he's got lined up next! It's his best stuff since he went through his Eddie Izzard phase four years ago!"

Guests will also be treated to warm-up act Crazee Jimmie's World of Magic Tricks, where Crazee Jim will make £150,000 in received transfer funds magically disappear from under the noses of curious HM Customs and Revenue agents before pulling another teenager from Rangers from his Crazee hat. MC Sotnixx, in town for one night only, will DJ the after show party, spinning some phat shithoops for da masses, including his smash hit 'Mark I-I-I-I-Isaac is a P-P-P-P-P-Prick, Innit'

The evening will be compered by deadpan comic John Blackwell; tickets are priced at just £256.14p (2 fan points).