Steve Evans was today announced as manager of Crawley Town and immediately announced he would take the club where it belonged: embroiled in a messy, protracted legal battle in the High Courts while its players and staff literally starve to death on the streets.

To the delight of the vast majority of Pilgrims fans, Evans finally resigned from financially-stricken Conference outfit Boston United on Sunday to join financially-stricken Conference outfit Crawley on a two-year deal

Evans, speaking exclusively to impsTALK, said: “Crawley Town are a massive club with vast untapped potential. I’m Crawley through and through. Cut me and I’ll bleed Crawley. My blood is literally red.

“I was there for the Gilbert Rice Floodlight Cup in 79/80, and I remember saying to my friends on that momentous occasion: ‘One day I will return to this magnificent club and take them to their rightful place in the High Courts – and beyond.’

"I've been to Southwark Crown Court with Boston - and what a great day out it was - but I want to go further. I know I can go further with this club.

"Once you get a taste of the legal big time, you crave more and more. I'm still hungry and I needed a club to match that hunger.

Apart from eventful times in the courts, Evans is also excited at the possibilities for subduing fans who don't agree with his twisted, warped view of how football should be played - and how clubs should be managed.

“I never got the support at Boston," he admitted. "Jon Sotnick talked the talk, but he never once got his hands dirty. He never once assaulted anyone. I needed someone to match my ambitions, and I think I've finally found the club for me."

News of Evans' appointment alarmed sections of the Crawley supporter base with some fans voicing their disapproval, and immediately regretting doing so.

“This is a dark, dark day for Crawley Town Football Club,” important Crawley Town fan Rob Jugsag-Manblow said, seconds before being mown down by a blue transit van with tinted windows and replaced by a bloke asking supporters to 'give Steve a sixth chance'.

At a press conference this afternoon, Crawley's owners, the Majeed brothers, emphasised their confidence in the man they had appointed to the managerial hotseat.

“These are exciting times for Crawley Town,” Azwar Majeed said. “We’ve been kicking in a dozen or so doors of dissenting supporters every month, but we always believed we could kick more in if we brought the right man to the club.

"We’ve paid off the CVA with magic banknotes we grew on the magic money tree somewhere in Chas’ back garden. We want to get to the next level, and in Steve Evans, we have a man with the necessary track record. As in, a criminal record."