DESPERATE DALTON MAKES COMEBACK BID

Former match-day programme contributer and local journalist Scott Dalton has made one last bid to return to the big time with the launch of a new magazine, From Behind Your Benches, impsTALK can exclusively reveal in today's Exclusive Breaking News Exclusive Update (sponsored by Staffsmart™).

Dalton has been living on a park bench in Boston's Central Park ever since he was axed from the glossy pages of Pilgrims, the official matchday magazine, leaving his life and media career left in tatters. Rumours are rife that Dalton was canned from Pilgrims after failing to meet the desired number of product-placements per 250 words.

Dalton can be found most days lying unconscious, face down on the cricket wicket, surrounded by discarded cider cans and a curious child poking him with a stick as he struggles to come to terms with the end of his Staffsmart Stadium™ contract.

However, the BBC man has been saving up the loose change thrown in his direction over the last twelve months and last week spent an unprecedented £7.84 printing sixteen copies of his new magazine.

However, Dalton's arch-nemesis, print-journo Duncan Browne, poured scorn on From Behind Your Benches chances of surviving Boston's cutthroat media industry, pointing out that his own bootleg DIY publication, the Boston Standard, which he prints in his garage, was outselling FBYB by three to one in the week ending 14 July.

Equally unimpressed was Pilgrims press officer and heir to the Sington NewsCorp empire, Craig Singleton. "Scott's bitterness towards Boston United FC and all at the Staffsmart Stadium™ is regrettable," Singleton said. "But if he thinks this new FBYB thing is going to re-launch his career here at the Staffsmart Stadium™ he's sadly mistaken. No-one messes with the Official Matchday Magazine, no-one. He had his chance, and he blew it. Tough luck Scott."

The new publication has caused a 450% increase in street-crossing over the last seven days, according to Prof Hank Yankqourn at the University of Swineshead. Important Boston fan Bob Mugfret-Fishhead told impsTALK: "I was on my way to renew my season ticket when I spotted this shambling bearded figure dressed in rags and bluebottles approach me hawking some kind of publication, so I turned around and legged it back home as fast as my Staffsmart™-sponsored legs would carry me."