Investment deal 'close' as Crazee Jimmy sweats in Dragon's Den

Boston United jester Crazee Jimmy believes a deal to bring investment into his stricken cash cow is close, despite being told by BBC Dragon Deborah Meaden that his club made 'Ted Bundy look like Santa Claus’ in a dramatic edition of Dragon’s Den filmed in London last week.

Crazee Jimmy went before the ferocious panel of entrepreneurs to ask for £2 million, simply to pay unpaid bills, rent arrears, unpaid wages and secure further stocks of complimentary tickets for Lavaflow sycophants still dribbling through the hallowed doors of the VP Lounge at the StaffSmart GigaDome.

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Jimmy confirmed he had registered Boston United as a patent, so unique a concept it was, as well as securing exclusive copyright on the word ‘numpty’.

The enthusiastic comedian then demonstrated the inherent quality of his investment opportunity by hoofing a number of footballs covered in genuine Lincolnshire mud at the Dragons before slapping each one in turn with a five-day old pig carcass, stating: “This is what we think of our fans!”

“I’m out Jimmy, this is insane,” Theo Paphitis bellowed five seconds into the demonstration, as three other members of the panel fled the studio.

But one Dragon was struck by the brazen arrogance of the Crazee Gang.

“Your club makes Ted Bundy look like Santa Claus,” Meaden told Jimmy. “I’m fucking in - I'm in! Where’s my cheque book? You need a new ground.”