Rodwell launches fleXi ticket eXtreme™

Boston United fashion statement Jim Rodwell is delighted to announce the introduction of the fleXi ticket eXtreme™, a brand new ticketing initiative for Pilgrims fans at the Staffsmart Arena™ ahead of the 2006/2007 season.

The fleXi ticket eXtreme™ follows the successful re-launch of the Flexi-Ticket, which is now in operation at a number of clubs in Coca Cola League Two™. However the fleXi ticket eXtreme™ offers fans the opportunity to purchase individual match tickets as opposed to a book of ten, as ticket office comedian John Blackwell explained today.

“Look, the fleXi ticket eXtreme™ is like a flexi-ticket but far more eXtreme and infinitely more fleXi,” said Blackwell, irritably picking his nails and tapping his desk. “You get your fleXi ticket eXtreme™ which consists of one ticket, valid for any one game of your choice. You just turn up, present your eXtreme ticket, and you’re in. How much more fleXi do you want it to be?

“And apparently it doesn’t create any eXtra work for me and Maureen either, ooooh noooo,” he added, banging his mug of coffee down and stamping his feet.

Priced at £13, the fleXi ticket eXtreme™ represents superb value for money as supporters will not be forced to pay for any more than 90 minutes of turgid football at the Staffsmart Arena™ should they choose not to attend further games.

“The fleXi ticket eXtreme™ provides our excellent, passionate fans the choice and flexibility they demand,” concurred chairman Rodwell. “The beauty of the fleXi ticket eXtreme™ is that our fans can pick and choose which games they attend on a match-by-match basis, meaning that they can choose at a moments notice to go shopping in Nottingham rather than attend a grotesque exhibition of hoof-ball nonsense down Shoddy’s Lane.”

But despite the club’s announcement, some fans were not convinced about the new scheme. Independent Pilgrims Supporters Association (IPSA) chairman and all-round important Boston fan Bob Mugfret-Fishhead, speaking exclusively to anyone who would listen to him, said: “I don't get it - it's just like a normal ticket. Seems to me like they’re simply polishing a turd, and they’re not even using Mr Sheen Anti Static™ but some cheap knockoff from Home Bargains, like the stuff Woodcock's been forced to use on the boardroom table since Sotnick left.”

However, Rodwell was quick to point out that the fleXi ticket eXtreme™ was different to a normal ticket. “The new ticket has two capital 'X's in its name,” he explained. “In that regard at least, it’s completely unique in Coca Cola League Two™.”

In addition to the news of the new ticket, the chairman has confidently predicted that season ticket sales, including season tickets, flexi ticket and the new fleXi ticket eXtreme™ would break the record previously set in 2005/2006.

The Pilgrims also moved to rubbish rumours of a fleXi ticket eXtra eXtreme™, which would consist of the fan receiving half a ticket for the 45 minutes of their choice, saying it would be unworkable, although he did admit that the fleXi ticket eXta-lubricant eXtreme ultra™ might be seen in the New Year.

The final word went on the subject belonged to Mr Mugfret-Fishhead, who commented: “Where’s my blazer? Who’s got my tie? I’m turning IPSA into an Industrial and Provident Society and raising an army. You lot with me or against me? We need a new chairman.”