News that Boston United players and staff had to make their OWN way to today’s game at Field Mill in Mansfield was confirmed after eyewitnesses reported seeing Steve Evans in his new role as a taxi dispatcher this morning.

With Boston United no longer able to use the official team bus for reasons that are yet to be disclosed but are almost certainly not the early warning signs of imminent financial meltdown, the Pilgrims squad had little choice but to drive themselves to the game.

Having been told the news, club gaffer Steve Evans leapt into action, and was spotted by important Boston fan Bob Mugfret-Fishhead sitting in a cold Portakabin in the York Street car park, attempting to direct his players to Mansfield as they drove around in circles somewhere in the East Midlands

“Car fifty-four where are ya? Car ninety, it’s Field Mill, repeat Field Mill. Tell me you’re almost there,” Evans barked into the CB radio, while scratching his testicles and smoking a cheap cigarette.

“Car twelve, you’re up. Where the hell are ya? Car twelve? Car twelve? Come in car twelve? What do you mean there is no car twelve? We sold him to Torquay? When did that happen?”

According to Mugfret-Fishhead, Evans ‘accidentally’ dispatched three of his cars to Chester for an ‘undisclosed’ fare - and one to Gee’s to pick up a Twix for his halftime nibbles.

The manager worked well into the morning: “Car seventy – Little Jimmy’s told Michael Proctor to piss off back to Hartlepool so there’s a job on in Mansfield if you need it, easy money mate, easy money. Car two, car two - you at Field Mill yet? No, I said Field MILL, not Field Hill, you daft moron.”

At one point Evans was contacted by a worried Paul Raynor at the ground, enquiring about the whereabouts of car sixty, aka Drewe Broughton.

“He’s just coming round the corner now,” Evans replied, before jumping into Drewe Broughton’s car and setting off for the game at 1 o’clock.