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Boston United gaffer Steve Evans was left fuming after he was served TURKEY
TWIZZLERS for his Christmas dinner – while Lincoln City staff tucked
into prime roast turkey joints, and Evans wasted no time blaming the nutritionally
destructive meal for defeat in the Yellow belly derby.
Meanwhile thirty miles away, Imps boss John Schofield, painted in gold and fanned by nubile virgins, was snapped by Lincolnshire Echo paparazzi with his face buried in a Waitrose luxury strawberry cheesecake, while City stalwart Paul Morgan was spotted being hauled up Steep Hill by a winch after eating 1.3 tonnes of premier Belgian Chocolates.
cattle-feed dinner was prepared for United’s players and backroom
staff by chairman Little Jimmy, a sinister puppet operated by Jim Rodwell
now in ultimate control of affairs at Lavaflow and in the Pilgrims board
"Ideally, I wanted to spend Christmas at home with my family," said United midfielder Simon Rusk. "But since my house has been taken away from me by bailiffs I have no home now. This is my family. It's very kind of Little Jimmy to cook for us, even though he scares me. A lot."
“I hope you enjoy your Christmas dinner lads,” Jim Rodwell told his beleaguered staff as chief scout Gee Evans wheeled in the trough. “I’m terribly sorry. It’s all me and Little Jimmy can afford, until we find a big-hearted sugar-daddy prepared to pour millions of pounds out of his own pocket into the club and make us great again that is.”
hope you choke on it you bastards! Go on, choke on it you miserable bastards,”
barked Little Jimmy, as Rodwell attempted to smother him with a tea towel.
“Tell ‘em how much you hate ‘em Mr Rodwell, go on, tell
‘em. You don’t deserve us, you shitters.”
Evans also had a special Christmas message for well-known important Boston fan Bob Mugfret-Fishhead. “Steve Evans wishes that he would f*** off,” Evans said of the fan who has supported the Pilgrims since birth and has poured in excess of £14,000 of his own money into the club coffers in that time.
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