impsTALK.co.uk | 2008/2009 Predictions

Pete Brooksbank, impsTALK editor thing

Here are Pete's predictions for the forthcoming 2008/2009, which are really just a series of thinly veiled slurs against Bob Blackburn and his bunch of mercenaries at Bradford, along with an entirely unexpected and somewhat inappropriate reference to Adolf Hitler.....

Who is going to walk away with the 2008/2009 NPL title?
Bradford Park Avenue will throw stupid money at their squad and thus, sadly, I can’t see beyond them waltzing to Northern Premier League, er, ‘glory’. It would take a manager of such gross incompetence he could conceivably be employed by Newcastle United to mess up their title punt. I just think that Bradford are insane enough to keep throwing cash at any weaknesses. And even if Bradford do somehow mess it up, I think Leigh whatever they’re called will be lurking behind them.

What are your realistic expectations for Boston?
Boston United might be pipped by big spending Bradford, but they absolutely must finish in the play-offs. Anything less than that would be a disaster. I’m not normally one to pile expectation on a club or a manager, but in this instance I’m going to. The relegation was in exceptional circumstances and the first eleven is now arguably stronger than that which finished comfortably mid-table a division higher last season, so there is simply no excuse.

Which away trip are you most looking forward to?
Where to start? There are multiple contenders this season:

Buxton - because it’s a charming town in a nice part of the world.

Whitby - because it’s a charming town in a nice part of the world.

Kendal - because it’s a charming town in a nice part of the world.

FCUM – because it’s, er…. Well, there will be a big crowd.

I think I’ll go with Whitby.

Which team do you most want to see Boston absolutely tear apart 12-0?
Bradford Park Avenue. It’s amazing how one club can appear to be so utterly repellent in such a short space of time. I’m sure not all of their fans are arrogant, deluded mentalists incapable of seeing how their club is tumbling headlong into a catastrophic Gretna-style collapse, but I’ve yet to come across one.

Unfortunately, such is their financial muscle, I imagine they’ll be the ones spunking in Boston’s face.

What's the worst joke you've ever heard?
‘Why did Hitler kill himself?’

Actually, let’s leave the punch line. It’s not big, nor is it clever. Indeed, it may actually be illegal. I once heard a bloke tell this one in a crowded pub and the stunned silence that followed was quite overwhelming.

Who would win in a game of Monopoly: sinister ex-Boston chairman Jon Sotnick or sinister Bradford Park Avenue(1988) chairman Bob Blackburn?
Bob Blackburn. There’s a sewer down Old Kent Road that’ll never get an overbuild permit, so Jonboy’s screwed.

Will you be taking the Harry Ramsden's fish and chip challenge in Guiseley? If so, provide an estimate of time elapsed between first forkful and last forkful, to the nearest second.
Yes, and sixteen minutes, fifteen seconds.

Which away trip would you happily gouge your own eyes out to avoid?
Eastwood + Ikea + New Years Day = certain carnage. But I live just down the road, so I’ll brave the crowds piling off the M1 at junction 26. I’m not looking forward to Ilkeston after my last trip ended with rivers of blood running down the street, but again, my proximity dictates I really should go. So I’ll go for Cammell Laird, mainly because I know we’ll lose to a last minute Wes Parker own-goal in front of seven fans.

Which is your favourite ship built by the world famous Cammell Laird shipyard?
The RMS Mauretania. She was a beauty - the first ship built for the newly merged Cunard and White Star Lines. She was powered by two sets of Parsons single reduction-geared steam turbines giving 42,000 shaft horsepower and driving twin screws, which sounds like the sort of specification you’d now associate with the groupie-roasting habits of a mid-table Premiership footballer. Her service speed was 23 knots, which is about 22 and a half knots faster than Tony Crane.

Who is going to be Boston's key player this season?
In the absence of Big Tony, it must be Ollie Ryan. He strikes me as the sort of player who has a bit of a chip on his shoulder after what happened at Lincoln, which is no bad thing. He’ll score an absolute hatful and be snapped up by Kettering, mark my words.