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THE
OFFICIAL impsTALK
CHAMPIONSHIP MANAGER APPLICATION PACK – COMEDY GOLD ASSURED, OR
YOUR MONEY BACK!*
So, Boston United are, finally, searching for a new gaffer. By telling Tommy fackin' Taylor to sling 'is fackin' 'ook back daaahhhhn saaaarf, they joined that long-list of 99.9999% of the world's football clubs that have fired a manager in the past 18 months.
Most fans are all too painfully aware of the period of uncertainty sackings inevitably bring. So many questions. How will the players respond to a caretaker manager? Are there any funds available for the new man to bring in his own staff? And worst of all - will Graeme Souness apply?Football fans are self-pitying whiners at the best of times, and such periods inevitably lead to either a false dawn - when Colin Calderwood turns out to be nothing like Brian Clough - or a sense of overwhelming desolation when Graeme Souness is indeed rejected, only for Bryan Robson to be appointed instead.
Oh the hilarity: You're hired!
But spare a thought for the fox-murdering, cigar-smoking, brandy-swilling, Jag-driving, steel-flogging Tories in the boardroom. For football chairmen, the worst thing about sacking a hopeless manager isn’t paying off an incompetent goon with cash that would otherwise have been diverted into a Cayman Island ‘holding’ bank account. That’s the easy bit.
By far the most undesirable consequence of embarking on yet another quest for yet another incompetent goon is the unavoidable task of wading through literally dozens of comedy job applications from comedy fans enclosing comedy CVs detailing their fictional, and frequently comical, achievements on Championship/Football Manager.
Of course, in many cases the comedy of such applications merely masks a sincere belief on the part of the applicant that they actually could manage a football team. After all, being a football manager must be a bit like being the drummer in Glasvegas: irrespective of ability or experience, everyone knows that they could do a better job than you. And in the case of drumming for Glasvegas, they’re absolutely correct.
Here at impsTALK, one of south Lincolnshire’s least-visited websites, we believe it is the God-given right of every football fan to submit at least one hilarious and side-splittingly comical Championship Manager application during their otherwise miserable lives.
After all, if you can’t make your chairmen’s life a misery by posting details of his house on the internet or by rumbling his plan to torch the Main Stand in an elaborate insurance scam, then you might as well waste some of his time. So, with that in mind, we are delighted to present your complete comedy application pack!
Simply download the attached covering letter and CV, fill in the blanks, and send to your favourite club. It really could not be easier! LOL! LOL!! LOLLLOLOLOLOL!!!! ROFFFLOLOLOL!!!!!
Covering
Letter download [PDF]
Comedy CV download [PDF]
* - no money back
Other
helpful impsTALK fan packs!
The
Official impsTALK Fan Protest Pack
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