impsTALK.co.uk

2007 Year Awards
2007 Press Conference Of the Year: Tommy Taylor

"I am, er, honour. Ed. To, er, be. Um. Boston. Er. Boss. But. I, er, prefer to answer. Er. In my native tongue," said Boston's new manager in the summer, before an interpreter took over to decipher Taylor as he faced the rabid newshounds for the first time.

Asked if Boston would remain full-time, Taylor responded: "You must be Saddam Hussein! I ain't got a Pam Shriver mate. We're peppermint pal. Sure, I'll get on the percy thrower and call in a few cheesy quavers - never know, I might bag a couple of tin lids. Gotta be quick though. Or we're daffy Ducked, and I'll get the tin tack, innit?"

At which point the interpreter admitted he hadn't got 'a fucking clue' what Taylor had just said and resigned on the spot.

2006/2007 Man of the Year: Krazee Jimmy
2007 was a great year for Krazee Jimmy: he finally got rid of Boston United. Great work Jimmy! The Wrexham administration debacle, although rendered totally redundant by United's multiple rule-breaking that would have sent the club spinning down the pyramid regardless, certainly helped put the Pilgrims back on that map marked 'AA Cheating Fuckers Atlas - Revised and Updated 2007'.

Jimmy: 'I'm delighted to win the award. Perhaps I can sell it to help cure my leprosy'

2007 Opposition Tormentor of the Year: Peter Bore (Grimsby Town FC)
Aside from Steve Evans, Paul Raynor, Krazee Jimmy, Little Jimmy and the entire BUFC squad 06/07, Peter Bore did more than most in ensuring Boston United's League history lasted a mere five years, helping slay the Pilgrims in that horrorshow at York Street earlier this year.

Peter: 'I ain't no gayer'

2006/2007 Outstanding Achievement Award: Doug Hutson
Previously unknown supporter Doug Hutson had a particularly fruitful year. In addition to luckily winning a PFA competition to award a Player of the Month prize, Doug bagged six Oscars, nine Grammys, three BAFTAs, two Sony awards and a Blue Peter badge, although this was later found to have been because he was a friend of a BBC producer.

Doug: 'How fortunate'

2006/2007 Standing Alone Award for [CENSORED]:[IDENTITY UNDISCLOSED]
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History of the awards

The awards were originally organised by important Boston fan Harold Mugfret-Fishhead in 1975 shortly after the birth of his first son Robert.

When Harold was tragically killed by old age in 1986, his son vowed to continue the tradition. “I get to stand on the pitch once a season,” he said at the time.

impsTALK.co.uk adopted the awards in 2002, organising a star studded ceremony in the sepulchral surroundings of the Sports Bar, to honour Ken Charlery as the first winner of the impsTALK era.

However, the award ceremonies themselves came to an abrupt and somewhat inglorious end at the now infamous 2005 bash when, just days after being fired as columnist for the matchday programme, host Scott Dalton presented the awards after drinking a bottle of screenwash he found dumped down Main Ridge.

Shortly after slumping over the microphone, yelling: "I thought we had an understanding... I thought we were friends!" Dalton crowd surfed his way to the rear of the venue and confronted Jon Sotnick with the thick end of a pool cue.

As Sam Fox's nervous smile suggests, the 2005 awards didn't end well

Co-host Samantha Fox - a mutton-dressed-as-lamb cheap shot at eye-candy and hired at such enormous cost that two weeks later impsTALK was forced into administration, incurring a ten page penalty - could only look on in horror as the organisers were barred from the venue for life.

Last year’s awards mirrored the fortunes of the football team. Booted from the mainstream and relegated to the fringes, 2006/2007 witnessed an unprecedented victory for a non-Boston United footballer as lucky competition winner Douglas Hutson scooped the prize.

His win, however, was mired in controversy after it emerged five Thai gangsters, including the now disappeared wife of gruff Lincolnshire coalminer Jack Shattocks, bet on the mystery man to claim the gong.