By Richard O. Smith
I've had this dream before. Boston are top of the league, and they've got the most generous goalscoring attack, and the meanest defence, in the entire league. And we're going to be promoted to the Football League.
Then the alarm dock brings me back to cold reality. Only this time, even after attempting to jump-start my brain with coffee, I'm still convinced Boston are actually top of the league, scored most and conceded less, than anyone else. Furthermore, they've out of the Conference and the Football League is holding a baby shower in our honour.
Hmmmm. So this time it must really be happening, right? Boston are in the FOOTBALL LEAGUE!! (Subject to financial status. Please note teams promoted from the Conference can go up, as well as down. Your club may be at risk if you miss regular payments, any deviation from published contracts may result in the loss of your League status).
However, I advise everyone to get used to that asterisk straight away. Because you simply aren't going to see the words Boston United without an * immediately afterwards this season, with a corresponding footnote declaring '4 points deducted'. Well, I for one don't care about that footnote, just as long as it's under the Division Three league table. As for the objections from Dagenham....talk about making a mountain out of a Gary Hill. We don't intend to mention Dagenham a great deal as supporting Boston" (told you) is surely about liking a dub, not defining ourselves by disliking another, albeit Dag/Red or Lincoln.
FBYF is back after a ten year hiatus. Our last issue came
out an unexaggerated decade ago (in those days newspapers were full of
stories about madmen in the Middle East attempting to wage war, a right
of centre government was insidiously attempting to by-pass parliament
whilst passing policy, the club Peter Morris managed were in relegation
difficulties and everyone thought Boston were long overdue for a decent
Cup run). So, much has changed since then. Nowadays, a madmen in Middle
East attempting to wage war, a right of centre government.......yeah,
you get the pattern.)
On the last page of our final issue, we proclaimed that the distance between
Issues 13 and 14 may be so large, that such a gap cannot be found on a
human scale, other than in the Gateshead defence. Well, it didn't turn
out to be quite that big.
Also we'd like to thank the gentlemen from Gateshead who wrote to use
complaining about our descriptive simile of Gateshead's (then) perennial
end of season escapes from relegation as: "an irritating turd that
apparently refuses to be flushed", enclosing a copy of a letter that
he'd written to the F.A. requesting that we be charged with bringing the
game into disrepute. Hmmmm. Obviously we're still very scared. Like the
FA has a lot of jurisdiction over private citizens (right, Steve?!). Perhaps
they could have deducted 4 points from me.
After Issue 13, FBYF's assistant editor reacted to Boston's relegation
from the Conference by migrating to Russia, where he has stayed ever since,
learnt a new language, and vowing never to speak English again. His was
one of the more sober reactions to Boston's descendancy to the Unibond
League.
But, given we'd put in the time and effort during the "crap years",
it is only fair that now Boston are actually successful (well, in a strictly
footballing way, at least), it's only right and proper that our enthusiasm
is rekindled to share in the Evan's years. After all, no one can accuse
us of being gloryhoppers who only go and see Boston play if they're at
Wembley and it's a nice day.