GROUND
Firstly, Runcorn's ground is about as easy to find as a plumber at weekends. It is situated between two rivers, and in the middle of an industrial estate. In addition to this, the would-be helpful sign pointing to "Runcorn AFC" is an irrelevance. Allow an extra thirty minutes on the journey times to find Canal Street. Only when you arrive do you realize that they haven't got a ground.
PLAYERS
When Runcorn defenders walk down the street, mothers call their children inside and rotweilers run home and hide in their kennels.
FANS
Unfortunately some of Runcorn's fans are almost as bad as their players. When meeting them, it is best to try and strike up a conversation, and maybe complement them on their dress sense: i.e. "that's a nice leather knife holder".
WOMEN
A girl who approaches you in and opens with "hi big boy (squeeze, squeeze) get it out for the girls" is considered strait-laced in Runcorn.
JOBS
Being a Rag and Bone man in Runcorn is considered an upper-middle class yuppie.
HOOLIGANS
Most of the locals are well known in the local courts - most have been in the dock more times than the QE2.
©
All content copyright Richard O. Smith 1988-2002