Liam Parker shirt sponsors 2008/2009
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Club
Details |
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| Send hate mail to: | Worksop
Town Football Club Telephone: 07762 525561 |
| Matchday prices: | Adults
– God knows Concessions – You tell us Kids under 16 – Climb a tree or something |
Who
the hell are Worksop? |
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| Fittingly
for a series of Rough Guides rapidly running out of steam, not to
mention enthusiasm, a brief flick through the annals of Worksop’s
history reveals little of note apart from their early FA Cup exploits
(see Claims to Fame below). The club spent most of their time sat
squarely in the Midland league. They won the league in the mid 60s and were founding members of the Northern Premier League - but were immediately relegated back to the Midland after one miserable season. They only returned to the NPL in 1974 after two successful campaigns and this time they were able to retain Premier Division status for fifteen years until relegation to the NPL Division One in 1989. Worksop returned in 1998, just after Boston had vacated to the Southern Premier. A string of very impressive top ten placings helped them become founder members of the newly created Conference North in 2004, but their league form evaporated. Finishes of 17 and 19 and, terminally, 21, saw Worksop relinquish their position as a Step Two side. Last season, their first back as an NPL club, they finished ninth. |
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Claims
to fame
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| Worksop’s
history is, frankly, a little dull. Nine billion centuries of Midland
league mediocrity is hardly going to excite a neutral. It is in the
dusty archives of the FA Cup we must look to root out the good stuff.
In 1907/1908, Worksop reached the first round proper and were drawn away at Chelsea. The match drew an enormous attendance in excess of 70,000 fans – and it proved too much for the Nottinghamshire minnows, who were spanked 9-1. Years later, Worksop again found themselves daaaahn saaaaahhhf, facing a London giant. This time it was Tottenham Hotspur – and this time the result was hugely different. The tinpot non-league outfit caused a huge upset by holding the top flight team to a 0-0 draw. Records fail to mention it, but it’s a sure bet that the result led to a downmarket London rag arranging a photoshoot with the gaffer and three young ladies in a gratuitous ankle-exposing shot. Somewhat controversially, the replay was held at….. White Hart Lane and the riled Spurs trounced Worksop 9-0. |
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Last
three seasons |
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| 2007/2008
– 9th in Northern Premier League 2006/2007 – 21st in Conference North 2005/2006 – 19th in Conference North |
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Where do they keep getting caught offside? |
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| Not
in Worksop, is the short answer to that. After being locked out
of their own ground at Sandy Lane, Worksop will be ground sharing
with Hucknall Town for the 2008/2009 season.
Since Worksop will be playing at Hucknall, we all get to enjoy another trip to the club that serves the stingiest portions of grub in Conference North and, we assume (but by no means are certain of) the Northern Premier League too. Our top tip? When you order food, ensure you emphasise the plural ‘chips’ in ‘cheeseburger and chips’ lest they serve you ‘cheeseburger and chip’, which is, apparently, a Hucknall delicacy – or at least, it is if last season is anything to go by. Not even financially stricken basket-cases like Boston try to fob you off with a Chip Voluntary Arrangement of one chip in the tray. |
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So.
Hucknall.... |
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| Our
advice after last season’s visit to Hucknall? Don’t drive.
Take the train to Nottingham and then switch to the tram in Old Market
Square. There are pubs on the line up north that will happily divert
your attention from the surrounding scenes of suburban bleakness.
However, be prepared for a long walk from the tram stop to the ground
though – you might want to grab a cab.
A few years ago, impsTALK met a women who, as part of the vacuous small-talk one engages in when in the company of a stranger, informed us that she lived in London. We asked whereabouts in London she lived, since saying you live ‘in London’ as about as geographically precise as saying you live ‘in China’. Her reply? Milton Keynes. We wish that were one of our now-legendary made up ‘jokes’, but unfortunately it’s a genuine tale. Similarly, people who live in Hucknall tell people they live in Nottingham, because Hucknall’s a right old dump. It is, of course, basically a suburb of Nottingham and a favourite haunt of many football fans visiting our wonderful city is, naturally, Hooters. impsTALK would like to point out that if you drink here of your own volition you might as well remove yourself to a deserted field and, to be totally frank, blow your brains out with a shotgun - you vacuous, asinine no-hoper. Think about it for a moment, dunderhead: you have so little self worth that you’ll visit a pub simply to gawp, with tendrils of gooey drool hanging from your gaping mouthy hole, at cloned women who not only think you’re a pathetic cretin but who would rather saw away at their own throats with a blunt bread knife than share a room, let alone a bed, with you - mainly because you’re a fat, overweight, knuckle-dragging, Fosters-swilling ignoramus. The food’s crap too. Especially the chicken wings that ooze fizzy grease. So our mate says, anyway. And if you’re reading this, Bianca, thanks for not pressing charges. |
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Links |
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Anything
to add? |
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| Tell us more about Worksop, recommend a pub or try and obtain our bank details by E-MAILING us. | |
