5.00pm - Final thoughts - Phew. Well, it's not enough to lift the Pilgrims out of the relegation places, but it's a start. Next week, Boston play away at Mansfield - I'm off to Field Mill to see if United can improve on last season's pathetic 5-0 defeat so you'll have to hop in the car and join me. Next min-by-min will be the game at Wycombe on Friday 23 March. Thanks for all your e-mails, pictures and songs. Until then....

4.59pm - 'See... I TOLD you we wouldn't be the kiss of death!' says socalled.

4.58pm - Curse my arse.

4.57pm - PEEEP PEEEEP PEEEEEEEEEP!! Colin Webster blows his whistle and Boston United have clung on to claim all three points. A nailbiting climax as Rovers piled forward, but it's a deserved victory.

4.57pm - That should be that.....

4.56pm - Drewe Broughton hold the ball in the corner, elbows of doom keeping Bristol Rovers at bay....

4.55pm - The corner came to nothing. The tension... the tension....

4.53pm - Igoe crosses the ball and it's headed back across the area by Lambert, Ellender puts it out for a corner. Phillips, the keeper comes forward....!

4.52pm - Five minutes of injury time!

4.51pm - We're approaching injury time. Boston are running the ball into the corner already.

4.50pm - 'I'm starting to feel confident...' says socalledutd fan, confidently.

4.49pm - 'Go on Drewe!' shouts Cook as Broughton unsuccessfully tries to dribble the ball past the keeper. Three minutes to go....

4.46pm - Chris Cook's breathing has grown noticeably heavier as the clock ticks down. A no surprise: Rovers are now piling forward.

4.42pm - Franny Green replaces Jarrett, who is given a standing ovation as he departs. How heartwarming. Makes a change from being spat on, I suppose.

4.38pm - Problems for Boston. The stretcher is called for Mark Greaves, who was given an elbow to the back of the head. The groggy Pilgrim is shifted off the pitch to be replaced by Shane Nicholson.

4.37pm - Torquay 3, Wycombe 0.

4.36pm - 'Another picture of the crowd during a match in the Steve Evans Messiah Stand at the new Standalone Megadrome,' says Pulc.



4.34pm - Macclesfield 2, Shrewsbury 2. Boston prepare to make another sub.

4.30pm - GOAL!!!! Boston 2, Bristol 1. Oh dear. Great cross from the right, Marriott chose to punch, but he got nothing on the ball. It went no further than the edge of the Boston United area, and in a split second Lewis Haldane had bundled it into the net.

4.29pm - Been a quiet few minutes on the pitch. Chris Lines has made way for Rigg. Bristol have now used all three of their substitutes.

4.28pm - Walsall 1, Chester 0. Lincoln have fallen into the play-off places.

4.22pm - Despite being at work, Mick Taylor has somehow found the time to create us a little picture, titled 'Stand Alone: Vision of the Future':



4.20pm - Today's attendance - 1,697. About 100 fans from Bristol.

4.17pm - Talbot retires and is replaced by Ernie Cookseyseyseysey.

4.16pm - Swindon 2, Accrington Stanley 0. Dock the bastards, dock 'em, dock 'em dock 'em, the little cheating scumbags!!! (© Steve Evans 2007).

4.14pm - We don't get many songs on these reports, but Pulc has kindly supplied us with a little ditty.

(Sings)

"Sit down, sit down, just like yer've been told,
Cos you'll never STAND ALONE on a terrace again,
You'll NEEEEEEAAAVVAAAHHHH STAND ALONE on a terrace again."

4.11pm - CHANCE!!! Drewe Broughton, of all people, finds himself free, one-on-one with Phillips. The elbow-jabbing frontman tries an audacious little flick over the flailing keeper - and sees his shot crash off the post.

4.09pm - Kick off! Andy Sandell and Lewis Haldane have replaced Jacobson and Walker.

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4.07pm - Substitution for Rovers. Off comes Walker to be replaced by...er... Cookie neglects to say. I'll wait until tomorrow evening for MatchLive to update. 'Who ARE Standing Alone Ltd?' demands Scott Dalton. 'Listen to the interview with Jim Rodwell later as I put the question to him!' Just to disappoint anyone who has yet to click on the link below, Rodwell says they'll remain a secret until the summer. Nothing dodgy there then. Jacobson is off too.

4.05pm - 'RE Boston Town. Any reported deaths yet?' asks Andy. 'Just listening to Rodwell's interview. Does he use the same scriptwriter (and word inventor) as George W. Bush?'

4.04pm - Ha! Fooled ya! So says Mick Taylor, who did not, in fact, actually pass through the turnstiles in the end. 'I woke this morning with full intentions of going to the match. I even put on my lucky leopard skin thong (no easy task for a 6 2" inch, 24 stone male I can say). But then I had the misfortune to hear Evans on the radio and it all just came flooding back to me, so I thought fuck it - rather stay at work. Lovelythat we are 2 - 0 up. Get in there: JARRETT United rulz ok

Jarrett a man for all occasions. He rolls the ball out to himself, plays a lovely ball down the wing to Jarrett who first time crosses it to Jarrett, who sticks it in the net. Come on you Jarretts. Love and hugs, Mick'

4.01pm - Latest from Tattershall Road - Boston Town 0, Northampton Spencer 0

3.59pm - Stand Alone Choppers? Standalone Media?

3.51pm - Boston chairman Jim Rodwell has been speaking to cider-swilling numpty Scott Dalton about sinister property vultures Stand Alone Ltd who are almost certainly not going to repeat the same mistakes as Lavaflow and will spout all kinds of pre-prepared bollocks about wanting preserve Boston United's footballing soul, investing for the future, exciting times.... blah blah blah. Listen to the interview HERE.

3.50pm - Right. Half-time. Ramblin' Jack Elliott, anyone? Or maybe the We Stand Alone Gaming clan, as suggested by Andy: 'Bad news though - "We are currently recruiting for players that are cheat free, respectful,and love the game.'

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3.48pm - CHANCE!!! Petering out bollocks - Marriott produces a tremendous save to block Jacobson just as the half time whistle blows. That might just be the clincher.

3.47pm - Standalone Records. Managed by Dave Cool.

3.46pm - Two minutes of injury time.

3.45pm - The game is petering out towards half time. Boston are well worth their two goal advantage.

3.41pm - Wow - Torquay 2, Wycombe 0.

3.40pm - ''It sounds crap,' writes Chichester Gas, on the Official Bristol Rovers Fans Forum. He might just be right about that .... but we'll see,' says Pulc. There's little point linking to the forum. Some moron decided to restrict it to registered users only.

3.37pm - 'I wonder who was supergrass in this Accy affair. No matter what wrongdoing they may be guilty of, lets face it, NOBODY likes a grass...' spits socalled. I wonder, then, if the Accy affair involved henchmen and motorway service stations?

3.34pm - Not that we even slightly care because we're concentrating on today's game and the remainder of what promises to be a nail-biting fight to retain our hard-fought League status but..... - We've just checked and Accrington STILL haven't been docked their four points.

3.31pm - Drewe Broughton goes tumbling over in the Bristol Rovers penalty area. Obviously he thinks it should be a penalty, but Webster waves his appeals away.

3.28pm - CHANCE!! Phillips rushed out to try and claim a Jarrett free kick, got nowhere near it, and Ellender's header struck the underside on the bar! Bristol Rovers head it clear, break, and with a man over contrive to smash the ball into the hoards crammed into the York Street end.

3.27pm - It's all one-way traffic. But enough about John Adams Way, on the park Boston are having it all their own way, playing some nice, dare we say, 'sexy' football. Joyes and Jarrett are posing huge, huge problems for the visitors.

3.25pm - 'Christ, BIT of a time lag on that piece of info there..... *tut* *tut*' scolds socalled about the Ellender booking....

3.22pm - By the way, Ellender was booked about three seconds after Jarrett's second goal.

3.20pm - Torquay 1, Wycombe 0.

3.16pm - 'Just signing in from YS,' writes Adam Hildred from York Street. 'Vast amounts of vocal support from some kids in the main stand, which looks quite full, but Spayne Road and the Town End look a bit sparse. Red hot rumour is that the latest Trust email has 'Next board meeting - Wembley Stadium?' in its subject line. Great start from Jarrett and the Pilgrims, a few Bristol fans got kicked out after he curled in the second.' Kicked out? Already? Knowing full well what the stewards at Boston are like, presumably one of them made the fatal error of wearing a green hat.

3.14pm - 'Have there been any reported deaths in the Dog-End Stand down at Tattershall Road yet?' enquires Andy as a pall of black smoke rises on the horizon.

3.12pm - Jarrett is tearing into the visitors, and it does actually seem as though Evans has pulled a fast one. A legal one to boot.

3.10pm - GOAL!!!!!!!!!!! Boston 2, Bristol 0 - And it's Jarrett again!!! Great build up play by Boston involving Joynes, Broughton and Jarrett, and it was finished with a cross-cum-shot by Jarrett that he will no doubt claim was intention. Even so, it's a dream start for Boston.

3.08pm - CHANCE!!! Bristol Rovers almost equalise - Craig Disley meets a cross with a diving header and sees his effort rebound off the post!

3.06pm - 'Have BUFC taken adequate steps to ensure that none of the Bristol Rovers players on duty today is, in fact, Campbell (possibly their most influential midfield player - suspended) in disguise?' says Chris. 'We could appeal to have the match awarded to us, and also request that Rovers be given a 200-points deduction for such a blatant act of cheating! Distinti saluti.

3.04pm - The goal was met by a mild cheer, but not the mighty roar you'd expect from a stadium desperate to maintain League status at all costs.

3.01pm - GOAL!!!!! Boston 1, Bristol Rovers 0. Jarrett strikes the ball past Phillips and Boston United have been handed a lead on a plate! What a start for the Pilgrims.

3.01pm - ....and it's a penalty to Boston!! Clarke drifted the ball into the area, it was punted about 40 feet into the air by a defender and fell onto Oji's hand! How blatant can you get? Boston have an absolute gift!

3.00pm - Kick off! We're underway with Boston kicking towards the Town End... and they immediately win a free-kick.

2.59.59 seconds - 'You might be feeling confident. I'm bloody not. Especially as we are min-by-minuting! You watch. Kiss of death we are. Kiss of death,' exclaims doomsayer socalledutdfan.

2.55pm - Prediction time - I'm feeling pretty confident. No, really. 3-1.

2.50pm - More from the good Doctor - 'I had my hair cut this morning,' announces Foxy. 'As my barber is just round the corner I thought I would take a look at the registered address of the company that has the expertise and finance to complete the complex multi-million pound relocation of Boston ****** FC. So here are the photos. As you can see from the picture of the door, Standing Alone Ltd will be sharing the premises in Leeds with at least three other companies, but at least they have access to two letterboxes.'

2.45pm - Actual team news - Boston: Marriott, Greaves, Cryan, Thomas, Clarke, Ellender, Jarrett, Talbot, Farrell, Broughton, Joynes
Subs: Green, Stevens, Nicholson, Galbraith, Cooksey

Bristol: Phillips, Lescott, Oji, Elliott, Jacobson, Igoe, Lines, Disley, Carruthers, Lambert, Walker
Subs: Rigg, Sandell, Anthony, Hinton, Haldane

Evans pulls the old trick of telling porkies about a player's fitness - Jarrett starts despite United announcing that he would miss the fixture with an ankle injury. impsTALK is further alarmed by the presence of Andy Sandell on the Rovers bench, until we realise it's spelt with an 'e' and not an 'a'...

2.40pm - To compensate for Mick 'The Bastard' Taylor's absence, an old friend checks in. 'Why the Cary Grant photo on the Live Updates?' asks Ken Fox. 'Has Steve Evans been chasing you across a potato field in a crop-duster?! Or is it just Archie Leach’s Bristol connection?'

2.35pm - Team news - impsTALK is rocked by the news that regular Mick 'The Bastard' Taylor has decided to actually attend the game today. Like, actually go and watch the game. What the hell is all that about?

Not that we even slightly care because we're concentrating on today's game and the remainder of what promises to be a nail-biting fight to retain our hard-fought League status but..... - Have Accrington been docked their points yet?

Pre-amble
In 2003, while impsTALK was left to rot as the editor enjoyed a ten-month sojourn backpacking around the world, a rather worrying trend was noted. While Neil Thompson’s Boston United were struggling to keep their head above water in Division Three, this writer was beginning to think he was cursed.

The day after flying from Heathrow, the airport was placed into lockdown, with tanks rolling in, in respond to supposed al qaeda terrorist threats. In Mumbai we stayed around the corner from the Gateway of India. Three weeks after leaving, the city was rocked by two massive car bombs. One of the targets was a crowded market. The other? The Gateway of India. Which was also hit again last year, just to make sure.

Next up: Melbourne. And more specifically, the famous old St Kilda pier. The motley gang visited the much loved structure, poked around a bit and took a few photos. The next day, to the horror of, well, Australia, the structure was spectacularly destroyed in a huge fire.

George Bush decided to invade Iraq while we were in Muslim-dominated South Thailand. Cheers George. Unable to amend flight tickets, we ended up at Singapore airport at the height of the SARS panic. The Sydney amusement park 'Wonderland' was so good that a few months after we visited it was bulldozed. In New York, two days after week took a ferry to Staten Island, the Staten Island ferry disaster hit the headlines.

Lastly, and most unsettling of all, the day after we stumbled across an extremely depressed looking David Boreanaz unglamorously slumped in the back of a car, we found out that Angel had, in fact, been re-commissioned for another series. Jesus. I mean think about that. Angel gets re-commissioned for a third series, yet The Pitts isn't even aired in its entirety. Where's the justice in that?

The point of all this? impsTALK might very well be cursed. Last week we sponsored the matchball at Boston Town. Town were promptly duffed up 5-2 by Wellingborough. Our offer to sponsor Colin Woodcock for £16.41 only slightly preceded his resignation from the Boston United puppet board.

And these minute-by-minute reports are a death sentence. We've done ten of them so far (Hildred's doesn't count). Number of wins: 1. Goals for: 6. Goals against: 30. 6 v 30? See? SEE!? That's a -24 goal difference!

But today NEEDS to be different. Really, it does. Let's take a quick look at the home run in:

March 10 - Bristol Rovers
March 31 - Bury
April 09 - Macclesfield Town
April 21 - Chester City
April 28: Torquay United

Doesn't look too bad does it? Today's game, along with the fixture against Chester next month, is on paper, very, very winnable. But since nothing about Boston United 'on paper' is ever what it seems, it would be a mistake to be too confident and think of them as home bankers. It wasn't too long ago, after all, that Chris Cook was having a mild rage on Radio Lincolnshire as Shrewsbury cantered to victory.

We're not bothered with the away run it. We might as well be playing Real Madrid in each game. In fact, if we were, we might actually sneak more points. Anything from the away games is a bonus. Christ, one-nil defeats are a bonus: they keep the damage to our hopeless goal difference to a minimum.

Past History
The usual story. Boston win the home games, but lose the away ones. Or they just draw, so it's honours even. The sole exception to this trend is a win AT Bristol in the League Cup in 2002. A win? Away? In A CUP?

Head to head - from Soccerbase

Related links
Unusually for clubs at this level, Bristol Rovers are blessed with not one, but two above average online fanzines that are well worth a look.
Black Arab
Gasheads

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