Fucking huge, intrusive, bandwidth-sapping advert
 
BECOME A MEMBER TODAY FOR JUST £56.32!
OWN THE TEAM. RUN THE TEAM. BUY A FISHTANK. PANIC. FLEE TO HONDURAS.
Welcome to our newest members! g_krasner122 ..... dbrownCFC4eva ..... reynolds62 ...... scarborotillidieorisupposeuntiltheyareforcedoutofbusiness

First there was My Football Club, the website offering a unique opportunity for YOU to run a real-life football club. YOU could pick the team. YOU could help target transfers. YOU were in charge of tactics. YOU were in control!

But YOU are a moron. Let’s face it, what the hell do YOU actually know about football? If YOU had even an ounce of genuine passion for the game, wouldn’t YOU in fact be volunteering to string up the nets at Deeping FC or running the line at a grassroots youth game?

Or maybe YOU aren’t even allowed within 300 yards of children? What are YOU hiding, exactly?
The truth is, YOU have no experience of running a football club. YOU make Peter Risdale look like Bill Gates.

Which is why impsTALK.co.uk is proud to present – my insolvency™! A natural extension of My Football Club, my insolvency™ has been carefully crafted by our world-class team of dedicated, profiteering entrepreneurs to appeal to the type of person who would willingly toss an envelope stuffed full of scrubby notes our way in exchange for access to a screen of tick boxes and radio buttons.

my insolvency™
truly is a revolutionary realisation of fan-driven football conceptualisations: this indeed is a football insolvency practitioner for the people.

What’s it all about?
For years the process of salvaging the wretched vestiges of football’s shattered dreams has been the preserve of so-called ‘experts’ with ‘post-graduate business qualifications’ and ‘experience’ of dealing with hundreds of real-world insolvency events.

This type of closed shop, ‘jobs for the boys’ culture is unhealthy and damaging to our national game. And the time to act is NOW.

If fans, through their own pig-headed ignorance, offer tacit collusion with the senseless folly of over ambitious chairmen, many of them Americans seeking to strip the English game of billions of pounds, why shouldn’t they also be responsible for fighting the inevitable anarchic aftermath when the ‘dream’ becomes a fully fledged nightmare?

With my my insolvency™ they can do just that! It's a football revolution.

Lock the gates with my insolvency!

How does it work?
impsTALK.co.uk has no experience in UK insolvency law, or any law for that matter, and neither do you. But we’re not going to let that stop us from asking YOU to pay us £56.32 a year to become a my insolvency™ member.

Once you’re a member, you will have all sorts of important decisions to make. Many of them will require a thorough working knowledge of the intricacies of UK business law - but don't worry, no-one else will know what the fuck they're supposed to be doing either, so there's no need to feel at all embarrassed.

With my insolvency™ YOU can:-

  • SELL the players for a fraction of their market value to vultures from the Championship!

  • PRESENT the groundsman with his festive bonus on Christmas Eve - a P45!

  • CHOOSE which padlock to use when the stadium gates are locked - do you use a 50mm Kasp Long Shackle Premium Padlock (Brass), or the more formidable 81x11mm Armoured Shutter Lock?

  • COLLUDE with a dubious Cayman Island-registered holding company and then arrange to FLOG the derelict terraces to a supermarket chain or a company seeking to toss up some low cost 'luxury' flats for hapless proles – with any luck you’ll pocket a packet!

  • VOTE how to dispose of the few, pitiful remaining assets – sell the lawnmower to Vauxhall Motors, a few seats to Bamber Bridge, the floodlights to a local driving range - and the tea lady to a Cambodian pimp

  • INFORM football creditors and HMRC where they can stick their 100% - up their fat arse!

  • RIP up that invoice from St John Ambulance – what the HELL are THEY going to do about it anyway?

  • LOBBY the government of Honduras to extradite ex-board members

Which club are we going to liquidate?
Ideally, we will liquidate the team selected by My Football Club members (Barcelona? Brazil circa 1970? Or Ebbsfleet?) and step in when it all comes crashing down. But there is no shortage of clubs out there looking for potential insolvency, so it may be a target presents itself more readily. Coventry, maybe.

What does my money pay for? Can’t you buy debt ridden clubs for less than £1? Do insolvency practitioners even buy football clubs? What am I paying for? Give me answers. Answers. Please, answers.
Who knows? Yes. Possibly. We’re not sure. Nobody is sure. Why are you even asking? Just pay up, and fuck off.

Most popular teams (as voted for by our members):
1 - England (1966)
2 - Brazil (1970)
3 - Leeds United
4 - Goole Town
5 - AC Milan

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