>> 2008/09 >> Rough
Guide > Cammell Laird
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0789 1962 150
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the hell are Cammell Laird?
have to be honest here: until United were demoted to the NPL and we
saw the list of teams, we’d never even heard of Cammell Laird.
A few discrete enquiries swiftly revealed why. More is known about
the subsurface geology of the Saturnian moon Enceladus than of Cammell
what DO we know? Well, they trace their roots back to the Cammell
Laird works team of the ‘world famous’ shipyard of the
same name. With the exception of an iceberg-related ‘incident’
in 1912 that led to Kate Winslet posing topless for some floppy-haired
toddler 85 years later, impsTALK’s knowledge of shipping history
is sadly lacking: we’ve not heard of the shipyard either.
club itself is only a recent convert to Big Proper Football, having
tired over the last couple of centuries of winning the West Cheshire
League by 6952 points and picking up every single trophy on offer.
Laird were entered into the North West Counties League and, much
like VW Motors, found it all too bloody easy, winning two successive
titles - and all the cups - before entering the Northern Premier
League Division 1 for the first time ever.
Laird won automatic promotion last season as runners-up since the
champions, Retford, had forgotten to construct a stadium that wasn’t
a derelict deathtrap.
can’t find a single claim to fame as far as the club itself
is concerned. None at all. Looking further afield at the town as a
whole, the best we could come up with is the fact that slapped-arse
look-alike Duffy once wrote a song about Rock Ferry, giving it the
imaginative title of, um, ‘Rock Ferry’:
move to Rockferry tomorrow,” warbled the Welsh songstress.
“And I'd build my house, baby, with sorrow.”
hard to believe she’s not singing about Hereford, but Rock
Ferry it is. Beautiful. Beautiful. That’s an Ivor Novello,
Ferry’s Rock Park was home to American novelist Nathanial
Hawthorne, author of The Scarlet Letter, between 1853 and 1857.
Hawthorne, who, unlike Duffy, was capable of stringing together
a sentence or two, was serving in a diplomatic capacity at the time
as US counsel, second only in importance to serving as ambassador
at the US embassy in London.
Hawthorne had been promoted to the prestigious position as a reward
for leaving out all salubrious details when penning the biography
of Franklin Pierce prior to his election as US president. However,
there’s no point searching for his former lodgings today:
Hawthorne House was bulldozed in the 1970s to make way for the A41
Where do they keep getting caught offside?
holds 1,500 people.
many away fans will they bring?
most works teams, their name is completely divorced from their locality,
so don’t go looking for ‘Cammell’ or ‘Laird’
in your road atlas.
For the avoidance of any doubt, Laird are based in a place with the
rather fabulous name of Rock Ferry, which sounds like the title of
an American soap or a town you might find in a Stephen King novel.
Rock Ferry is based on the banks of the Mersey on the Wirrall peninsula
and, as the name of the town suggests, the town was the site of a
regular ferry service across the choppy waters of the vast river from
the early eighteenth century. The ferry service was eventually discontinued
in 1939, although the remains of the landings and slipways remain
to this day.
with a great many industrial areas, the decline of the second half
of the 20th century hit the area hard, but concerted regeneration
efforts in the 90s have smartened Rock Ferry up.
Cammell Laird unofficial
presumably a Cammell Laird supporter, has kindly taken time out to
write to impsTALK and give us a few more details on his team and the
Take it away Dave:
"Where also famous for Paul 'O' Grady Aka Lilly Stavage,"
he sniffs. "Paul Heaton Of The Housemartins and Beautiful
South Fame Lived 2 Miles From Rock Ferry In A Place Called Brombrough
And His Father Played For Everton And Tranmere. Elvis Costello Singer
When To School On The Wirral. Omd Pop Group From The 80s Where Form
On The Wirral.
Which is all excellent stuff. But what really irks David, it
seems, is our crass lack of knowledge when it comes to the area's
shipbuilding heritage. This is, clearly, unforgivable.
"And For The Ship Building We Had Ships That Help Sink The Pride
Of The German Navy The Bismark!," Dave roars, his hands
now pummeling the keyboard in volcanic rage. "Try Putting
Cammel Laird In A Seach Engine And You Be Surpraise What You Find
Out About The Place. They Also Have Won A Contract With The Royal
Navy That Worth A Billion Pounds"
A billion pounds? Why, that's almost as much as Bankrupt Park
Avenue's weekly wage bill.
Dave continues: "And I Bet The Team You Surported Is
A Run Down Slum Of Ground In A Crime Ridden Area. Full Of Single Mothers
P.s Duffy Not From Rock Ferry Her Relative Are From Rock Ferry."
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