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Cammell Laird

impsTALK.co.uk >> 2008/09 >> Rough Guide > Cammell Laird

Club Details
Send hate mail to: Kirklands
St Peters Road
Rock Ferry
Birkenhead
Wirral
CH42 1PY

Telephone: 0789 1962 150

   
Matchday prices: Adults - £8.00
Concessions - £5.00
Children under 14 - The little bastards go free when accompanied by an adult
 
Who the hell are Cammell Laird?
We have to be honest here: until United were demoted to the NPL and we saw the list of teams, we’d never even heard of Cammell Laird. A few discrete enquiries swiftly revealed why. More is known about the subsurface geology of the Saturnian moon Enceladus than of Cammell Laird.

So, what DO we know? Well, they trace their roots back to the Cammell Laird works team of the ‘world famous’ shipyard of the same name. With the exception of an iceberg-related ‘incident’ in 1912 that led to Kate Winslet posing topless for some floppy-haired toddler 85 years later, impsTALK’s knowledge of shipping history is sadly lacking: we’ve not heard of the shipyard either.


Laird

The club itself is only a recent convert to Big Proper Football, having tired over the last couple of centuries of winning the West Cheshire League by 6952 points and picking up every single trophy on offer. Laird were entered into the North West Counties League and, much like VW Motors, found it all too bloody easy, winning two successive titles - and all the cups - before entering the Northern Premier League Division 1 for the first time ever.

Laird won automatic promotion last season as runners-up since the champions, Retford, had forgotten to construct a stadium that wasn’t a derelict deathtrap.

 
Claims to fame
We can’t find a single claim to fame as far as the club itself is concerned. None at all. Looking further afield at the town as a whole, the best we could come up with is the fact that slapped-arse look-alike Duffy once wrote a song about Rock Ferry, giving it the imaginative title of, um, ‘Rock Ferry’:

“I'd move to Rockferry tomorrow,” warbled the Welsh songstress. “And I'd build my house, baby, with sorrow.”

Sorrow? It’s hard to believe she’s not singing about Hereford, but Rock Ferry it is. Beautiful. Beautiful. That’s an Ivor Novello, right there.

More intriguingly, Ferry’s Rock Park was home to American novelist Nathanial Hawthorne, author of The Scarlet Letter, between 1853 and 1857. Hawthorne, who, unlike Duffy, was capable of stringing together a sentence or two, was serving in a diplomatic capacity at the time as US counsel, second only in importance to serving as ambassador at the US embassy in London.

Hawthorne had been promoted to the prestigious position as a reward for leaving out all salubrious details when penning the biography of Franklin Pierce prior to his election as US president. However, there’s no point searching for his former lodgings today: Hawthorne House was bulldozed in the 1970s to make way for the A41 bypass.

 
Where do they keep getting caught offside?
Kirklands Stadium, allegedly.

It holds 1,500 people.

 
How many away fans will they bring?

Nine.

 
The town
Like most works teams, their name is completely divorced from their locality, so don’t go looking for ‘Cammell’ or ‘Laird’ in your road atlas.

For the avoidance of any doubt, Laird are based in a place with the rather fabulous name of Rock Ferry, which sounds like the title of an American soap or a town you might find in a Stephen King novel.

Rock Ferry is based on the banks of the Mersey on the Wirrall peninsula and, as the name of the town suggests, the town was the site of a regular ferry service across the choppy waters of the vast river from the early eighteenth century. The ferry service was eventually discontinued in 1939, although the remains of the landings and slipways remain to this day.

As with a great many industrial areas, the decline of the second half of the 20th century hit the area hard, but concerted regeneration efforts in the 90s have smartened Rock Ferry up.

 
Links
Official site
Forum
Cammell Laird unofficial
 
Feedback
'Dave', presumably a Cammell Laird supporter, has kindly taken time out to write to impsTALK and give us a few more details on his team and the town....

Take it away Dave:

"Where also famous for Paul 'O' Grady Aka Lilly Stavage,"
he sniffs. "Paul Heaton Of The Housemartins and Beautiful South Fame Lived 2 Miles From Rock Ferry In A Place Called Brombrough And His Father Played For Everton And Tranmere. Elvis Costello Singer When To School On The Wirral. Omd Pop Group From The 80s Where Form On The Wirral.

Which is all excellent stuff. But what really irks David, it seems, is our crass lack of knowledge when it comes to the area's shipbuilding heritage. This is, clearly, unforgivable.

"And For The Ship Building We Had Ships That Help Sink The Pride Of The German Navy The Bismark!,"
Dave roars, his hands now pummeling the keyboard in volcanic rage. "Try Putting Cammel Laird In A Seach Engine And You Be Surpraise What You Find Out About The Place. They Also Have Won A Contract With The Royal Navy That Worth A Billion Pounds"

A billion pounds? Why, that's almost as much as Bankrupt Park Avenue's weekly wage bill.

Dave continues: "And I Bet The Team You Surported Is A Run Down Slum Of Ground In A Crime Ridden Area. Full Of Single Mothers And Druggies.

P.s Duffy Not From Rock Ferry Her Relative Are From Rock Ferry."
 
Anything to add?
Tell us more about Rock Ferry, recommend a pub or try and obtain our bank details by E-MAILING us.
 

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