>> 2008/09 >> Rough
Guide > Prescot
love letters to:
ups - £7
Coffin dodgers - £4
ASBOs - £2
the hell are Prescot SCART Leads FC?
long time ago, in a Merseyside far, far away, there existed a Prescot
FC. The original Prescot were formed well over a century ago and were
originally a vehicle for a bunch of local lads to enjoy non-competitive
kickabouts, basically physical exercise used to ward off 19th century
ailments like leprosy, consumption, the English sweat and bubonic
plague. It made a nice change from blood-letting, apparently.
The club, who note their year of formation as 1884, were permitted
to hoof the ball around on a field owned by the Prescot Cricket Club,
and they played their first ever game of organised football there
in November of that same year against a local side, losing 3-1.
After five years, Prescot tired of playing rush-goalie and sweeper-keeper
and opted to join a league. They signed up for the Liverpool &
District League for the 1889/1890 season and remained there for six
seasons, finishing as high as third. They also entered the FA Cup
for the first time during the same period but were unfortunate enough
to be drawn against the mighty Crewe Alexandria in 1891. Crewe, who
had just appointed Dario Gradi as their first team manager, rolled
into town and also rolled over Prescot 7-1.
Unfortunately, a dispute with the cricket club led to the demise of
Prescot FC during the 1902/1903 season. Three years later, Prescot
Athletic were formed, swapping between various local leagues until
the Great war intervened and killed off most local men of football-playing
age. After the war, football returned. Prescot, having dropped the
‘Athletic’ part of their name, did too, joining the Lancashire
Combination, then a local Liverpudlian league.
It was in 1928 that a company called BICC, which was in the business
of manufacturing cables, began taking more than a passing interest
in the affairs of the club. First, mysterious bouquets of flowers
would appear at the office door with a card saying, simply, ‘from
your secret admirer’. Then, masked men would abseil in through
the window and leave luxurious Belgian chocolates on the desk of the
The gifts became ever more lavish and expensive until, one day, the
chairman arrived at the ground to find that BICC had bought Prescot
a brand new grandstand – a stand big enough to accommodate 1,000
spectators. “Why BICC,” declared the then-chairman. “With
this new main stand you are really spoiling us.” The seduction
worked: the happy couple tied the knot later that year and dour old
‘Prescot’ became happy-go-lucky ‘Prescot Cables
FC’, taking on the amber and black colours they boast today.
A year later Prescot, in a bout of post-nuptial insanity, made an
audacious bid to be elected into the Football League. The application
was considered over a nine hour buffet by a bunch of elderly men with
guts the size of Rhodesia and official Football League blazers and
was, eventually, rejected, condemning Cables to 50 years of interminable
drudgery in the Lancashire Combination as a married club. With just
one title triumph in that spell, it’s not surprising that the
club suffered a mid-life crisis and did a runner, divorcing the cable
company (reverting to Prescot Town) and buying a soft-top convertible.
Sadly, Prescot made the same discovery as every other aging singleton:
running away doesn’t work. They suffered badly, letting themselves
go quite spectacularly and having to endure the ignominy of crawling
back and re-taking the name ‘Cables’ in 1980. Two years
later, Cables became a founder club of the North West Counties League
and were stuck there for two whole entire decades. Cables finally
won promotion to the Northern Premier Divison One in 2003 before finding
themselves elevated to the Premier Division a year later during the
nought but a dancing goat for the club (unless any Cables fans
can obligingly fill in the gaps), we look again to the wider
sphere of Prescot town itself to pad out this section with voluminous
nonsense as to achieve the preferred word count.
And what (or who), dear reader, have we found? The usual ‘notable
residents’, including your obligatory member of a Below
Average Indie Band (Dave McCabe, The Zutons), yer two-bob soap
actor (Danny McCall, Brookside), yer original Beatle (Stuart
Sutcliffe) and yer curveball in the guise of an ex-Formula One
doctor (Sid Watkins).
Lastly, the ex-Governor of Canada Lord Stanley is listed as
a one-time resident of Prescot. It is after Stanley that the
Stanley Cup is awarded to the North American sports franchise
which has managed to spill the most pints of bright red blood
on the white ice of vast corporate areas across the United States
between short bursts of high-speed skating where tv viewers,
spectators and players alike are all united in their inability
to see the tiny lump of rubber pinging around at twice the speed
– 13th in Northern Premier
– 14th in Northern Premier
– 13th in Northern Premier
Where do they keep getting caught offside?
never been to Valerie Park, we're not going to attempt to pass judgement
on it. Well, not yet anyway. So here's a picture. We'll gather some
feedback once we've visited.
us about Prescot then?
mere eight miles from Liverpool city centre, Prescot lies within the
same municipal boundaries as the birthplace home of surely the most
singularly pointless (in the literal sense of the word) football team
to have ever played football: Knowsley United.
No team in the history of the solar system has been watched by fewer
fans than that bunch of hapless brutish no-hopers, except perhaps
Thankfully Knowsley no longer exist, but the people
of Knowsley still retain that proclivity for irrational thought,
such as granting perennial international failure and not-even-slightly-world-class
midfielder Steven Gerrard MBE the freedom of the borough; a freedom
granted, presumably, for ‘Services To Shanking Footballs 562
Feet High (and wide) At Every Available Opportunity’.
The freedom apparently gives Shepherd Gerrard MBE
the right to marshal a herd of unquestioning, unthinking sheep down
the main street of his home town – a right he’s clearly
yet to exercise given the lack of 40,000 replica shirt-clad Liverpool
fans spotted baaa-ing their way along roads in the borough.
Prescot itself is known for its clock museum, unsurprising
since clock-making was once the dominant local industry before they
gave it up to make cables instead. Located on the edge of the town
is the attraction responsible for easily the worst television adverts
ever seen on British television: Knowsley Safari Park. Yes, that’s
right: worse than Safestyle UK.
Actual helpful information on eating out in Prescot can be
- unoffical photoblog.
us more about Prescot, recommend a pub or try and obtain our bank
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