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Rough Guide to.... Who's who

impsTALK.co.uk > Rough Guides > Who's Who

A football club is only as successful and astute as the people that work and play on its behalf.

That pretty much explains why United have been an absolute disgrace for the last ten years. But things are looking up - sort of. Here's who's currently beavering away behind the scenes at United.

Chairman - David Newton
Describing the position as chairman of one of the most dysfunctional football clubs in non-league football as a ‘poisoned chalice’ is understating things a little.

Think more along the lines of a symbolic Christian drinking receptacle wired up to a small hydrogen bomb and you’ll immediately have a better grasp of Newton’s position.
It’s not a position Newton particularly coveted. Having decided they would save the Pilgrims from sure-fire obliteration in the summer of 2007, David Newton and Neil Kempster decided to play a game of rock-paper-scissors to find who would be Big Boss and who would be Little Boss.

Newton won, ensuring exclusive use of the plush offices occupied by Crazy Jimmy during the Lavaflow Years, and use of the special carpark space.

Vice-chairman - Neil Kempster
“Booooooooooooooy!”

Having lost the game of rock, paper, scissors that determined who would have first dabs on the buffet and the free car parking spot in the York Street car park, Neil Kempster resigned himself to merely ‘vice-chairman’ status.

As such, Neil now sits outside David’s plush office keeping Big Boss supplied with decaffeinated Nescafe and warm toast with the burnt bits scraped off. Neil’s other duties include mowing the pitch, greasing the turnstiles, scaling the floodlights and fanning David when the York Street air conditioning breaks down (which is really a euphemism for the power being cut by bailiffs).


General Manager - John Blackwell
John Blackwell likes a good spread - that much is beyond doubt. But his position as general manager of Boston United provides a link to what many of the older fans term 'the good old days', i.e when the club was actually faintly successful, legally speaking, and Paul Casey still had a ponytail.

One element of John's current role is to employ his unique customer service skills in the ticket office in order that he might provide Boston fans with a consumer experience like no other. Unless, that is, they have been barked at by a prison warden before, in which case purchasing tickets for that crunch tie against Quorn will be a horribly familiar exercise.

Commercial Manager/Press Officer - Craig Singleton
When he's not producing what is by some distance the finest program in the entire NPL Universe, Craig can be found desperately trying to flog seats to sportsmens' evenings with such powerful personalities as renowned public speaker Joe Royle. It's a thankless task, but someone's got to do it.

Craig's other responsibilities include posting apologies on the official Boston United website for the Boston United website's frequent downtime and sticking a camera in the face of whoever happens to be managing Boston United demanding answers for that 5-0 drubbing at the hands of Prestwick Airport Baggage Handlers XI

Craig also supports Aston Villa. Again, a thankless task, but someone has to.


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